If there’s anything worse than being judged unfairly, it’s being judged unfairly and not being able to do anything about it.
You desperately want to defend yourself, but you aren’t given the chance.
You’ve been cut off from the situation (already lost the argument, the friendship, the lover, or the job). Or, you’re blocked from all communication (on social media, phone or some other block). Or — the ultimate devastation – the misinformation has spread so far and so wide (throughout the group, the company, or heck the whole internet), there’s just no way to ever reel it back in.
Ugh. I bet you can feel this right now, can’t you? Most of us can empathize since most of us has had this happen (I’m guessing you’re re-living the last time this happened to you right now, right? Stick with me because we’re about to fix it…)
It doesn’t feel good when strangers judge us and we’re unable to correct that way of thinking. But, it hurts even more when it comes from people we know or the stakes are very high.
When We’ve Been Judged Unfairly
There is more than one way to come to terms with being judged unfairly, but the key is to find what works best for each of us — which can take practice. One perspective is to understand and forgive the other party. Another perspective is to understand why it triggers us and re-fortify ourselves. Both together can work effectively, too.
For this problem, I usually reach for understanding and forgiveness first, then I’ll tap my way through all emotions that arise until my body no longer reacts. Other people might ask for guidance from a higher master, or vent to a friend or a journal, then perform some type of releasing ritual. The point is that whatever method is chosen, to be effective, it must include a process for neutralizing the emotional response within the body. If not, it had better include a pretty convincing way to release those negative emotions into a holy sphere or the universe itself. (The latter can stimulate at least some emotional release in many people, which isn’t as effective in my opinion, but will help at least temporarily until full healing can occur.)
Ignored Emotions Live On Forever
No matter how we do it, the key to overcoming being judged unfairly, or to overcoming any kind of reaction to negative stimuli, is to face it head on. Can that be a painful process? Absolutely. But, as you’ve learned here before, buried emotions control our lives indefinitely. The only way to really deal with unpleasantness is to deal with it
for the last time once and for all.
In a moment, you’ll get a taste of what is possible when you know the right tools for solving specific kinds of challenges. You’ll be asked to recall a time when you were misjudged. If you feel those emotions might be too much to handle right now, or if you’re in a place without complete privacy, go through the exercise with a lesser problem in mind, just for practice. Then, return to the Activation Exercise for any larger emotions at later time.
Remember a time when you were unfairly judged. Recall as many details about the incident as you can. Notice as many thoughts, feelings and emotions that arise as you go through the details of the entire incident. Do this by recalling individual facts about what happened, or see the situation in your mind as if a movie were playing in your memory.
What are some of the emotions you feel as you review the incident?
What does your body feel like as you review the incident?
Now, change your view to the person (or parties) who judged you unfairly. Try to imagine what they were thinking or doing that led them to those conclusions. Try to see the situation from their [flawed] point of view. Try to imagine what may have been going on in that person’s life for them to be feeling and acting in that way. Come up with plausible reasons why the person felt justified in thinking the way they did.
Still holding the other person’s point of view in your mind, see the offending person in front of you, and look at them as if they were really there. Offer understanding for what they believed at that time. Extend forgiveness that their misunderstanding, or whatever hurts or challenges they might have had in their own life at that time, led them to treat you in that way. Release the blame you’ve been holding over the person since the incident occurred.
Finally, check in with yourself to see if your understanding of the situation has changed, how you feel about the other person has changed, or how you feel within your own body has changed. Do this entire exercise again several more times if you like.
Is this process, above, truly complete? Not necessarily, since most people need a great deal of guidance and direction if they’ve never done this kind of work before. But, if you fully committed to the activation exercise, you’ve probably just removed a thin layer that was clouding your understanding of the situation that occurred when you were misjudged. And it has given you an idea of what is possible when we view situations differently than before, which is the place true healing occurs.
If you’re intrigued by this process or need a little help getting started, contact me for an appointment so I can start you on the right track. If you prefer, subscribe to future articles so you won’t miss any more instruction from my free training lessons and programs. You can let this stuff go and feel better. I’m here to help.
To your awakening,
As a coach, writer, recovered over-doer and busyness addict, I understand the challenges of creating a balanced, healthy lifestyle while the mind tries to sabotage your success. In my journey to vibrant health, I created a personalized health system of nutrition and supplementation, lifestyle changes, and I retrained my mind and the energy of my body. I view my success as the formula to my happy, healthy life. I now empower other women to create their own personalized formulas, including the tools and strategies just right for them! Amazing life shifts come from our relationships. I look forward to helping you, too!