Overwhelm, exhaustion, anxiety, and fears. In a nutshell, how I lived the first half of my life. Certainly I was happy, successful, productive, and went about life the way other people do. But, still, I knew things weren’t right for many years. Having now reoriented to my higher calling, the comparison from then to now is staggering. I share this story so that others can experience what is possible by doing this kind of work.
My discomfort began as a young child, where I somehow got the idea I needed to be busy all the time. But, just being busy wasn’t enough, because I carried the greater burden of needing to do everything with excellence — often, to perfection. I felt personally responsible for everything. Trusting only myself, I did life essentially alone.
This pattern of responsibility, excessive production and over-achievement — “drive” some might say – served me very well for a good long time. I experienced great successes in college, in grad school, in relationships, and in my early career. Somewhere along the way, I integrated additional beliefs that compounded my success even more. Altogether, the pace I had built earned me the highest marks, the highest praises, and the highest salary. “First, youngest, and best” became my mantra. It paid off, and it paid well.
This drive kept me going, in an almost automated state, even as my roles would change. Becoming a wife, a homemaker, a partner in our business, I held it all together. These beliefs aided me through motherhood, as I raised my children not just as their mom, but as a home educating parent, too. I did it all, and had it all, including a jumbo home my husband and I built from the ground up.
I was a starter, a leader, and an endless volunteer. I was a giver, a supporter, an eternal people-pleaser. No job was too much, and I never said no. I managed my days like a boss, never needing any time for myself.
But, something was wrong. For all of what I stood up for in my actions and my deeds, I was personally very unconscious. Numb, really. And though I may have seemed happy on the outside, on the inside, I felt invisible, unsupported, and deeply under-recognized. I held fears that ran deep. And, at my core, I felt painfully, unbearably alone.
My wake-up call came in the form of pain, at first gradual, and then reaching unbearable levels of head, neck and shoulder pain. My inner pain had manifested externally, causing a distortion in my cervical spine. I developed almost every known fibromyalgia symptom, too. Faced with this reality, I had no choice but to start taking action.
So, there it was. Between writing a book, running a business, homeschooling all those children, plus a thousand other things, I lost it. In all senses of the word, I finally fell apart.
In true form, I tackled my breakdown as I had tackled everything else in my life — applying false logic, inappropriate means, crazy high levels of expectation, and not settling for less than absolute precision. With the exception of my dear husband who struggled to make sense of my meltdown, I suffered wholly alone. I told no one of my struggle, still believing it a weakness to reveal I didn’t have life all together. My stubbornness made healing all the more difficult, and I spent years sabotaging my progress without so much as a clue.
Then, finally, it happened. I figured it out. I saw how I created it, and everything became crystal clear. Only when I finally understood could the real healing begin. As if seeing for the very first time, I got a glimpse that my life was much more than I imagined it to be.
My story is classic. Looking back, it makes so much sense. I had symptoms, clues and warnings for many, many years. I just thought I was different, stronger, smarter, and more resilient…ironically, the same cockiness and self-confidence that ended up doing me in.
My story has an incredibly happy ending. I found the deeper truth and corrected my thoughts and resulting behaviors. I now trust my intuition and pay attention to the wisdom and guidance of my inner voice. Most importantly, I discovered the art of balance. Now, when things shift, I take quick action to right myself. I’ll never find myself in that pain again.
I am free.
If my story resonates with you, even in the smallest way, we need to talk. Since my experience, living a consciously balanced life and being of service to others is my purpose, my calling. I’m here to help you discover the basis of your need for excellence and over-achievement, define life and success on your own terms, and give you the tools and the support you need to navigate your new life with purpose, ease and tranquility.
Though I’m still learning, I’m already miles ahead of you. I’d love to walk beside you on your journey to success, fulfillment and vibrant health. I’ll help you achieve your goals with the sense of calmness, confidence and ease you’ve been missing all your life.
Standing with you as you step into your future,