moms Archives - Marie-Claire Moreau

Jul 27 2017

Things We Can’t Control

There is no worse feeling in the human experience than being out of control. Helpless and desperate, exhausted from trying, it’s a sense that events are swirling crazily around us, but we’re powerless to do anything about them.

I liken the feeling to being locked in a glass box on an old game show. Perhaps you can recall the scenes from long ago, those of frantic contestants trying to grab dollar bills in the air?

Feeling out of control is like reaching a hand into the abyss, trying to grab a bit of the chaos and tame it. It’s an urgent need to restore comfort, by controlling at least a little bit of something, but not being able to do even that. During those times when there’s nothing we can do, a terror often strikes from the futility of wanting to control what we ourselves cannot.

What to do when you’re feeling out of control #women #unbusy #release

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Surrender

It’s at these times that we must surrender. Anything else is either counter-productive or insanity.

Surrender doesn’t mean giving up. It just means recognizing that things are going to happen how they’re going to happen anyway. No behavior from us will amount to anything. And no amount of worry will ever change the outcome.

Surrender doesn’t have mean gloom and doom, either. We can remind ourselves that things always work out as they should. Recognizing that life is here to support us, not the other way around, is enormously comforting. Though we may not like it, surrendering is the only way to stop fighting against the tide.

They’re Just Thoughts

When feeling out of control, it can help to recognize that feelings are just thoughts. Looking at them as thoughts, we can begin to dissect those feelings, look at their underlying parts, and change some of them. One of my most beloved mentors refers to this as rewriting the book of our lives. The clearest explanation I’ve heard so far, I find it one of the easiest to implement, too.

Thinking different thoughts provides a different way of looking at things. Repeating the newer, more sane understanding of a situation — rewriting the book if you will – interrupts the out-of control-pattern, and enables us to change it into something else.

Release the Need

When entirely unable to control a situation, there’s still one thing we can actually do. Releasing the need to control, or to even get involved, is in fact entirely within our control. Asking ourselves if we can — at the very least – release the need to have control can have a major impact on how we feel.

Questions to ask include, “Can I let go of my need to be in control?” and “Am I willing to allow myself to see that things won’t be like this forever?” Answering these in the affirmative can be life changing.

Build Curiosity

Surrendering and changing thinking aren’t just comforting, but can even turn situations into a game. Knowing that life is happening before our very eyes, we can build a sense of curiosity about what happens next, then sit back to watch events unfold. I realize, for many, this is a stretch. Still, reaching this level of acceptance may be something to strive for.

Feeling out of control? Do this now.

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As a coach, writer, recovered over-doer and busyness addict, I understand the challenges of creating a balanced, healthy lifestyle while the mind tries to sabotage your success. In my journey to vibrant health, I created a personalized health system of nutrition and supplementation, lifestyle changes, and I retrained my mind and the energy of my body. I view my success as the formula to my happy, healthy life. I now empower other women to create their own personalized formulas, including the tools and strategies just right for them! Amazing life shifts come from our relationships. I look forward to helping you, too!

Apr 01 2017

Letting Go of What No Longer Serves You

Why do we hold so tightly to things that no longer serve us? Whether physical objects, thoughts or emotions, it’s common to carry “stuff” that has long outgrown its purpose. Though it may have been valuable at one time, some things are simply no longer needed in our lives; not now, and probably not ever. Still, out of habit or genuine belief, we cling to the familiarity and false sense of need, frequently to the detriment of our physical and mental health.

Examples of unnecessary stuff could span many pages. It includes both tangible objects and emotions, too. Things like old grudges, false beliefs, clothing that has become too tight, and clutter displayed in plain sight are all examples of “stuff” it might be wise to finally let go. Physical objects are easy to clear as they’re a matter of discarding or donating unwanted items. It is the emotional attachment for the stuff that is different, warranting a deeper clearing of the emotions not visible on the surface.

Storing unwanted stuff begins at any age (some believe is inherited, too) and continues gradually over a lifetime. Affecting much of what we do, mental baggage remains in the background, ever present, growing heavier and heavier until it is no longer bearable. Layer upon layer, the stuff may even become entangled, causing situations more frustrating to unravel. The common expression, “carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders” is more accurate than you might realize. Though tipping points vary from person to person, the weight of old stuff eventually becomes intolerable, manifesting into the many ills and woes experienced by those unable to let things go.

Though letting go isn’t always easy, I have found it a necessary step to achieving balanced emotions and vibrant health. It isn’t a process that is completed overnight, but once becoming part of your awareness, can be worked on gradually over a period of time.

Even after feeling lighter, I find it crucial to frequently scan myself for unnecessary baggage, too. In this way, shedding no-longer-serving beliefs and other useless baggage becomes a lifelong process. I choose what to allow in my life, and which things it is finally time to let go. This liberation and freedom can be highly addictive. It becomes something most people welcome in, knowing the rewards are well worth the effort.

Some baggage can be difficult to release, requiring help from a coach or experienced practitioner to get to the root of blocks that are hard to let go. But other stuff is easy to clear, taking just a few minutes of your time.

How to let go and start feeling a whole lot lighter:

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A list of some of simpler things to release is found below, and you can use this list for some initial clearing and practice. See if you don’t feel a whole lot lighter after working through until the end, and be encouraged to continue the process after knowing how well you feel.

Work on letting go of the following of…

Trinkets, nic nacs, and unwanted collections

Unless collecting is your joy and passion, get rid of things that clutter your physical and mental space. Chances are you rarely look at much of it anyway, and feel a tremendous sense of lightness once it’s gone.

Books, board games, DVDs or unused media

Not all of them, just ones you no longer need. Creating space in a closet also creates space in the mind. More importantly, it rids the guilt and pressure of feeling the need to do those things, too.

Status symbol of any kind (car, home, membership, designer anything)

Discovering the why of a purchase aids greatly in the process of letting it go. Purchases made to satisfy the ego or impress others might need to go right away. Ridding symbols makes it easier to come home to one’s true self, bringing peace and calm with the new reality.

Old relationships, friends or distant relatives

Only those you realistically no longer see, nor want to see. This doesn’t mean you no longer care, just that you’ve let go of the effort of staying in touch. Releasing the burden of maintaining old and outdated friendships is tremendously liberating. Forgive yourself the guilt and strain of relationships that no longer contribute to your present life.

The need to be right, or have the last word

Remember back to the last time you engaged in a heated conversation or argument, and begin to tune in to the physical sensations you feel in your body, or shift in your emotions. Feel it? That’s why you need to let that stuff go.

Anger or resentment

When you feel anger or resentment, ask yourself whether the other party is worrying about the situation as much as you are. Upon discovering you’re the only party allowing in these emotions, realize it’s time to let them go. Why let someone else take up residence in your mind?

If happiness is a state of mind, just imagine the effects letting go can have on happiness! Your physical and body and mind will begin to say, “aaahhh” and you’ll be on track to being and feeling a whole lot better.

With much love,

Mar 04 2017

A natural hand sanitizer you can make at home

This post may contain affiliate links.

When I made the commitment for my family to live healthier, I was overwhelmed with the number of things I had to think about. There was diet and nutrition, physical and mental exercise, examining lifestyle, and so much more. This would be a new way of thinking and acting — for the rest of our lives! Because of my tendency to seek perfection and want things all at once, I knew this would make me crazy if I didn’t pace myself right from the beginning.

I found that taking individual steps, and focusing on a couple of things at a time, was more manageable for me. Baby steps made it easier on my [reluctant] family, too. Swapping just one habit, or one group of products at a time helped us make progress without me feeling overwhelmed. The progressive approach also helped my family adjust, without as much grumbling as I think would’ve happened all at once.

It took a couple of years, but we were finally able to implement the healthier, more natural lifestyle we lead today. Looking back at where we started, I’m proud of how far we’ve come on our “greening journey”, as I like to call it.

The earliest changeovers we made included the foods we ate (or stopped eating), cleaning up our drinking water, choosing smarter cleaning products, and making changes to our home to eliminate toxins and irritants (read about that journey here). Later on, I began switching out personal care products, focusing on natural first aid and healing remedies, filtering our air, and researching ingredients to make certain products on my own.

One of the things I had forgotten about were those commercial hand sanitizers and wipes that were in the car. We were still using them after pumping gas, before eating in the car, or in place of washing our hands when that just wasn’t possible. I still had those purse-sized bottles hanging everywhere, and we’d easily go thru several of them at Disney, during a day of volunteering, or when my kids were working their part-time jobs.

When the FDA finally banned triclosan, a dangerous ingredient in anti-bacterial products, it finally got me thinking about what else was lurking in those bottles. I guess it was the push I needed to come up with a healthier way of cleaning our hands in the car, safer than absorbing chemicals into our skin like before. We used to hate the stink of those hand sanitizer products, and would always have to open the car windows when using them! I can’t believe I didn’t think about the consequences sooner, but no regrets, and glad I moved onward…

I love that we’re not only getting rid of bacteria now, but also naturally moisturizing our hands at the same time. My current blends are based on recipes found on the internet, with changes I made on my own. I’m sure there are other blends that work well, too, but here are our recipes if you want to give them a try.

Make your own [natural, healthier] hand sanitizer / liquid or gel:

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I’m giving you my simplest recipe and my super-duper one, so you can choose based on what you have on hand. Pay attention to the thickness before deciding whether to store it in a spray or squirt bottle.

Homemade Hand Sanitizing Liquid

Simplest Recipe

Fill a spray bottle with:

a couple of Tablespoons of any witch hazel without alcohol, I use THIS or THIS

a few drops of almond oil (test it to see how much moisturizing you like) I use THIS

tea tree oil (depends on bottle size, maybe 10-20 drops) I use THIS

water to the top

Add-Ins for Super-Duper Recipe

May need to transfer to a squeeze bottle:

lavender essential oil (depends on bottle size, maybe 5-10 ten drops) I use THIS

more essential oils (I recommend rosemary, thyme, peppermint, clove, or others to match scent)

vitamin E oil (break open a gel cap or two)

*pure aloe vera (liquid or gel) I use THIS

I don’t use the most expensive oils for this recipe, saving those for other uses; but by all means, use the oils you’re most comfortable with.

If I’m making a liquid recipe, I use either old spray bottles, or ones I buy at the dollar store. If I’m making a gel recipe, I’ll re-purpose old shampoo bottles with tight-fitting caps. (*Ours is usually runny because I use the same aloe liquid I put in my daily drinks.)

If you like the convenience of wipes, you can fill an old baby wipes container (with the pop top) about 1/8 full with the liquid recipe, then stuff as many crumpled up paper towels as you can fit in there. And if you’re feeling really ambitious, you can saw (yes, saw) a roll of paper towels in half and put the half roll in there. I only do that when I’m feeling really ambitious, but if you play your cards right, the pop top works remarkably well for pulling wipes out from the center of the roll.

Finally, I’ve noticed aloe doesn’t stay fresh forever, so if you use aloe, I wouldn’t make a huge batch at one time. If you eliminate the aloe, though, it will last much longer, especially if the bottles are dark or you keep it out of the sun.

To your good health,

Jan 13 2017

Ditch the chemicals & make your own hair products

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Several years ago, I learned what was in the stuff I was putting on my head. Worse, I found out what I was putting on my kids’ heads. I cringe to think about it now. But, like many people, I didn’t know what I didn’t know.

Oddly enough, I had stopped coloring my own hair many years earlier. I figured if something could burn my scalp and make my eyes water that much, it probably wasn’t a good idea. But, I never made the connection to the other hair products I was using, and for some reason, I didn’t think of what they were doing to my family either.

There was a veritable drug store on the ledge of my shower. There was the “cheap shampoo” for my husband (at his request), you know the brand, and my personal line up of elite products and potions from all the local salons. A pretty bottle would usually catch my attention enough to try it. If it had a glorious scent and overflowing lather, I would often buy it again.

The kid’s bathroom had a similar array of hair stuff near the tub. I’d buy all manner of kid-friendly hair products, and didn’t think anything of using the “yellow stuff” when they were babies, the colored stuff when they were little, the foamy stuff when they were old enough to shower alone, and the “manly stuff” as they moved into the teen years.

I favored lightly scented hair products, nothing overpowering, but definitely scented. “One had to smell good to be clean” was the limiting belief I held about cleanliness, and I thought I was doing everything right. It was the job of a good mom to be sure her offspring were clean and hygienic, I thought, so I reasoned the cost of those products meant I was being the best mom I could possibly be.

Until the day an article crossed my desk explaining the harms of commercial hair products.

Before then, I had absolutely no idea how chemicals seep into the scalp, enter the blood stream, and wreak havoc on the human body. Here I was in my 40’s yet had never understood how delicate an organ was human skin. I didn’t know how skin lacks the ability to filter anything, thus it sends anything it comes in contact with right into the body, impacting the tissues, organs and everything else.

Until I read that article, and the dozens of other articles I found next, I hadn’t known the dangers of things like sodium lauryl sulfate or phthalates or parabens, now known to be carcinogenic or neuro-toxic. I didn’t realize chemicals could have developmental effects, reproductive effects, could cause cell mutations, or how those tiny little soap bubbles could be harmful in other devastating ways.

I am not an expert, just describing my personal journey to discovering the benefits of natural hair products.

I was angry with myself, to be honest. It was hard to face the potential harms I had done to myself , and even harder to think I might have harmed my children. It broke my heart to remember the many nights my kids would emerge from the tub covered in redness, spots and itchy rashes all over their bodies. I decided in that moment to make a rapid and healthful change by eliminating all the commercial hair products we used in our home. Actually, I couldn’t throw the bottles out quickly enough.

During the initial changeover, we started using hair products I could easily find at a local health food store. Our favorites for general hair care were:

Avalon Organics Thickening Shampoo with Biotin B Complex

Jason Pure Natural Shampoo with Restorative Biotin

and for dry or flaky scalp we tried:

Jason Shampoo for Dandruff Relief

but none were exactly right. They were fine, just not perfect (and you know how I like perfection). One made no lather, which we were looking for, another was highly perfumed, and the third had an unpleasant odor that lingered after a shower.

Also, the cost of natural hair products really caught me off guard. I was used to spending money on salon products, but not on things I could easily make at home. Seeing the ingredients in natural shampoos and conditioners, it occurred to me I could make them at home for a lot less. And maybe in the process, I could create something we liked even better, too.

So began my journey to create my own recipes for hair products. I read product labels, researched recipes, and experimented with other ingredients on my own, then came up with the recipes you see below. Though I whipped up many batches of more complicated recipes that were fantastic, in the end, these are the ones I like best for their simplicity and extremely low cost.

Tea Tree & Lemongrass Shampoo

1 cup Dr. Bronner’s Citrus Pure Castile Liquid Soap (where to buy) can also use Unscented or Tea Tree

1 T. Bragg’s Organic Raw Apple Cider Vinegar (where to buy)

5-10 drops Lemongrass Essential Oil (brand I use)

10-20 drops Tea Tree Oil (brand I use)

1-2 cups Coconut Milk (brand I use)

3-4 drops Almond Oil (brand I use)

4 cups water

Apple Cider Vinegar Rinse (use instead of “Conditioner”)

1/2 cup Bragg’s Organic Raw Apple Cider Vinegar (where to buy)

Fill remainder of 32 ounce container with water

Styling Product Alternative

Organic coconut, olive, avocado or almond oil (what I prefer)

Apply a drop to the hands then massage into the hair

Focus on hair ends, not scalp

Rinse and style as usual

A small amount may be left in the hair for extra conditioning from time to time

Easy to make homemade shampoo and conditioner. Inexpensive. Safe. Natural.

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I multiply the shampoo recipe to make a large quantity, then divide it into glass bottles for my shower and BPA-free plastic bottles for my kid’s bathroom. I also use a metal funnel to fill decorative bottles I find at yard sales and flea markets, and leave them on sinks and counters too.

Note that the rinse recipe replaces standard hair conditioner, but it isn’t creamy or thick like you’re probably used to. It works by removing that squeaky clean feeling sometimes left by homemade shampoos. If you’ve experienced natural shampoos that leave hair feeling like wet straw in need of detangling, you’ll be happy to know it gets rid of that feeling, too. There is no need for additional conditioning products when using these recipes, but a tiny dab of coconut or almond oil can be rubbed onto the hands and then massaged into the hair (not too close to the scalp) for styling from time to time if you like.

The benefits of making hair products span beyond just eliminating irritants and chemicals. For us, they seem to have corrected the issues we had with hair and scalp. For instance, none of us experience frizzy or unmanageable hair any more, and all the flaky scalp and other issues we had disappeared, too (I am not an expert, but I connect this effect to the tea tree and the vinegar).

Plus, we’re saving a ton of money.

Try it, and let me know how it’s going. There’s a COMMENT area, below.

And, please, if you’re like me, and regret using harmful products in the past, forgive yourself first. That’s truly the first step to making progress in this area. No sense holding on to what no longer serves you.

With much love,

Nov 21 2016

My Stress-Free Guide to the Holidays

I came to a big decision a couple of nights ago: I really want to enjoy the holidays.

I realized I was enjoying, but not really enjoying, the holiday season, you know? I decided I could simplify the holidays even more, without sapping the joy and meaning from this special time of year.

The trick, it seemed to me, would be to try a little harder than I had been. Success would only come if I agreed to let stuff go. Instead of replaying the same thing over and over, this was the year I really needed to make a huge change. A lasting change. A change that could impact my life, and hopefully the lives of my family, forever.

How about you? How does a stress-free month of holiday events, family gatherings, office parties, and everything else, sound to you?

Because it sounds damn good to me. I feel like, if I can finally get things right, I should be able to look forward to this time of year, every year, for the rest of my life. Actually, I think it’s a lot easier than I thought possible, too.

Follow along if you want this for yourself.

Stress-free guide to the holidays right here:

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Here are my guidelines for stress-free (and much more enjoyable) holidays this year, and every year from now on:

Cutting and More Cutting

Not of ribbons and turkey slices. But of all the time-sucking things I no longer want to do. Or no longer have the ability to do. Not if they take a moment away from my health or happiness, or my family’s health or happiness, that is. And, you know what? I guarantee nobody will care about most of it anyway. Perspective is my new favorite word. What happened in the past was because of who I was back then. I’m only doing what the present me is capable of doing this year.

Lowering My Expectations

I got tired of disappointment, so I finally took the time to learn why it happens. This year, my expectations will be at an all-time low, but in a good way. I’m thinking of expecting only what’s sane and doable for a normal group of people who actually have things going on, besides, you know, holidays. And if our holidays don’t look like scenes out of a Hallmark movie, we’ll turn on the TV, which is okay too.

Accepting What Is

For instance, though I’d love to visit everyone I know over the holidays, the truth is, it just isn’t gonna happen. I accept we can still care about people from a distance, and we can still love our friends when they’re not included in our holiday plans. Because life changes and people move on, I’m forgiving myself for not getting in touch with every single person I’ve ever met, all before year’s end. Not any more.

Gratitude Up the Wazoo

Grateful my children are all together under one roof. Grateful my husband and I are healthy enough to spend time with them. Grateful for a good meal, a walk after dinner, a board game and a few laughs. Or anything else I can be grateful for, like a loyal pet and a friendly neighbor. Done and done.

Being Flexible

Which I’m not usually. This is an ongoing goal of mine, and I’m putting it even more to the test this year. Whatever happens, happens, and a change of plans can be a good thing. At least I’m telling myself that. Wish me luck on this one. Though I really feel this is the year I’m finally going to get it right.

Delegating More

Just because I did certain things before, doesn’t mean I have to do it now. Change is good anyway. I’m not the only person who can bake something, decorate something, plan something, and all the rest. Someone else might even be better at it. I’m willing to find out who.

Allowing Emotions

Instead of pushing them aside. I mean, how healthy is that anyhow? If something brings on the emotions, I’m going with it. I’m not talking shouting matches and insults, but I’m thinking about feeling stuff without guilt or judgement at this potentially tender time of year. Feeling is good. Pretending isn’t.

Perspective

Because that’s really all there is. Half full instead of half empty and whatever we make of it. Finding joy in little things and enjoying our time together. Next year is never promised, so making the most of today is more important than ever.

Prioritizing Sleep

For obvious reasons, and as much as humanly possible during extra busy times of year. There are plenty of ways to infuse fun and magic into other people’s lives that don’t involve staying up all night. I don’t care what I miss, I’m never losing sleep over holidays again.

Are there any ideas on my list that might work for you, too? Drop me a comment to let me know about your stress-free holiday season this year.

Why I wasted a good education and a great career to homeschool my kids

You’ve probably heard women defending their choices to stay home and have kids. Or leave good jobs to come home to kids. Or the bazillion other things women allegedly give up. Because kids. There’s been talk in the homeschooling community about it, too. Apparently, homeschool moms are frequently being asked why they waste their college educations or give up a good job to stay home. I am one homeschool mom who gets those questions, too.

Because I’m completely over feeling the need to explain myself, what I would normally say in a situation like this is: a) it’s nobody’s business what we do, b) parenting is hard enough without other people trying to make it harder, and c) everybody needs to start minding their p’s and q’s. But, because I love you and want to help you overcome the feelings that can come from hearing that kind of stuff, I decided to tackle this notion that educated slash career women are making a huge mistake.

If this has been bothering you at all, I hope to make you feel better soon. Ideally, by the end of this blog, you’ll never feel the need to defend yourself again, either.

Some History

Let me begin by saying, this isn’t anything new. I’ve been hearing comments like these for years:

Guy walks into a bar and says, “What’s a college-educated girl like you doing home babysitting a bunch of kids like them?”

which actually happened once, by the way, in a buffet line.

I get this one all the time:

“What did you do before you had kids?

usually coupled with:

How soon are you going back?”

Thanks for asking.

I admit, I especially appreciate when people are subtle:

“It must be sooooo hard being home all day.”

because it makes it sooooo much easier for me not to feel bad while they’re calling me an idiot for taking care of my kids instead of working a real job.

Honestly, for the first couple of years, those kinds of comments did bother me. Not very much, but just enough to make me question my choices and our lifestyle. It hurt most coming from family and friends, but really anyone could’ve put a dent in my confidence while I was still feeling my awkward way around being a mom and teaching my kids at home. Thankfully, it didn’t take long before I grew even stronger in my resolution and my ability to ignore busy bodies. Which is why now, I am able to deflect obnoxious comments like some kind of female super hero.

My View on Winning

To explain my views on the situation, I’ve created a simple graph:

Understand I’ve been doing the “home” thing a long time, thus my graph represents me looking back after 20+ years of being a homeschool mom versus all the other options. The fact that my kids turned out awesome and ended up saving us hundreds of thousands of dollars in college tuition doesn’t hurt either. Your graph might look a little different, but I’m guessing it’s similar if you’ve made a similar choice.

Please understand, though my graph may look silly, I don’t take this lightly. People don’t call me Dr. Moreau for fun. I really earned all my fancy degrees from a tippy top school, was esteemed by my colleagues, loved by my students, and was earning a lot of money to boot. I had absolute job security plus incredible benefits prior to becoming a mom. None of this is imaginary to me — I know what I gave up by coming home to my kids.

I just really believe that when women choose home (and, better yet, homeschool) over a career, they win. It’s as simple as that. Actually, in my opinion, everybody wins.

I just really believe that when women choose home over a career, they win.

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We moms win because we get to spend time with our precious kiddos, get to custom design our lives, and get to totally impact them like nobody’s business. Our kids win by having full-time supporters and cheerleaders and by turning into these amazing people with so many more chances at living an amazing life than if we hadn’t stayed home. It’s true, check the research. And our partners, if we have them, win too. Because, barring anything weird or unusual, they’re probably glad to have a happy, intact family with incredible kids, too. Score, score, score.

So, what I’m telling you, and why I have never had a single regret, is that those of us staying home get the last laugh. For all the claims that we’re wasting our expensive degrees, losing money or our “only” chance at building a career, we’re seriously getting the better end of the deal.

Those of us staying home get the last laugh…we’re getting the better end of the deal.

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Need more convincing? I’ve got some.

Look at the incredible benefits that might come out of you making that choice, and you being home:

You might get good kids. I mean really, really good kids. The kind who stick around and continue doing life with you and with each other even after they’re grown. The kind of kids who turn into good adults who contribute within their communities, our society and the planet.
You might produce kids with bright futures. Either in college or in careers or both. You might get kids who create things, start businesses, go to college, get good jobs, and earn good salaries. Because they’re good at what they do, because they care, because they’ve got great work ethics, because they know how to work alone, and because people like working with them.
You might get kids who don’t necessarily cost you a lot over the years. Because you either don’t have a lot so they learn to be frugal or creative or resourceful, or because they don’t want/need the same stuff as all the other kids.
You might end up with kids who save you tons of money when they’re teens. Because they build, barter or buy their own stuff, or they earn it themselves. Does free college ring a bell? ‘Cause your kids might get that, too.
You could get kids who are quite healthy. Because, when raised at home, there are plenty of opportunities for clean eating, time and space for movement and activities, and less exposure to every virus and bacteria that can make other people sick. And probably because they’ve been involved in sourcing foods, meal prep and all that goes into feeding themselves and a family. Maybe they know how to grow foods, too.
You yourself can have a life. If it’s a working life you want, you can squeeze that in somewhere. And you can literally have a personal life, an emotional life, a social life, a spiritual life, and physically active life, one without the restrictions imposed by only being home a couple of hours a day, if you want one.
You get a life you design for yourself. Whether in one place, or in many places. Whether quiet or extremely busy. Talk about options! How many people can say that?

The Trade-Off

I could draft a list a mile long of all the benefits of being home. Yet, I can think of only 2 advantages to working outside the home: 1) doing something you love and 2) earning money. And I think we can all agree that most people never get the opportunity to do something they love, so that pretty much only leaves money. Which is no small thing, but only amounts to whatever you might have netted over a period of 15-20 years instead of homeschooling and raising kids.

So, there it is. I’ve given you the trade-off.

Imagine a balance scale if you will. On one side, sits the pile of money you would have earned in 20 years. On the other side, sits a framed photo of your family. Which side is heavier? You decide. The choice can only be made using your own personal list of reasons versus some dollar amount on the opposite side of that scale.

For me, the choice was clear and easy. But, which will you choose? If you’re still here, you’re probably thinking a lot about that family photo.

Perhaps you’re thinking I forgot to mention all the side-effects that come from staying home — the things you’ll lose by interrupting your life temporarily and trying to recreate it later on. That’s where all those oh-so-helpful comments from strangers and family come in. Because they’re implying you could lose your identity, waste a perfectly good education, not get the chance to use all that training, not get to share your gifts with the world, or all of the above. Some might even tell you you’re setting a bad example for your kids (!!) by not going out there and taking the world by storm. Nobody likes a freeloader, and this isn’t the 50’s after all. How dare you not show your kids what it’s like to go out and earn a living?

Well, I’m not here to tell you how to think. But I completely disagree with that logic, because I think it’s easily possible and highly probable than any one of us can jump back into that life any time. Maybe not the exact same life, but a similar life. Or, better yet, some new life we’ve designed for ourselves once our children are grown. A life with a new skill set, new levels of training, and a mature sense of what we really want out of life anyway. I don’t think a brief stint being a mom (and it is brief, when you think about it) signals the end. I don’t for a minute believe that having kids is enough to squash a dream if there’s a dream still there waiting. And as for your kids? After watching you homeschool for 20 years, there’s no way they’re gonna think you’re lazy. No stinking way.

That’s why staying home is the better option. That’s why you’re not making a mistake by choosing the family photo. And that’s why I’m still laughing.

Are you?

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Dr. Marie-Claire Moreau is a college professor who traded in her tenure to become a homeschool mom 20+ years ago. A homeschooling pioneer and the founder of many groups and organizations, she works to advance home education, and is an outspoken supporter of education reform coast to coast. Her book, Suddenly Homeschooling: A Quick Start Guide to Legally Homeschool in Two Weeks, is industry-acclaimed as it illustrates how homeschooling can rescue children and families from the public school system, and how anyone can begin homeschooling within a limited time-frame, with no teaching background whatsoever. A liaison for regional school-to-home organizations, a homeschool leader, and a women’s life coach, Marie-Claire mentors in a variety of areas that impact health, education and lifestyle. A conference speaker, she has appeared at FPEA, H.E.R.I., Home Education Council of America, The Luminous Mind, Vintage Homeschool Moms, iHomeschool Network, and many other events. Her articles have appeared in and on Holistic Parenting, CONNECT, Homefires, Homemaking Cottage, Kiwi, Circle of Moms, and hundreds of sites and blogs nationwide. Marie-Claire can be reached at contactmarieclaire@gmail.com.

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May 13 2016

Beliefs and their impact on well-being

There’s something so powerful about beliefs. Guiding and empowering, our belief system follows us throughout our lives. Quietly, subtly, it’s always in the background, like an invisible coach both cheering for us and advising what to do at any given moment.

In simple terms — our belief system tells us what to do.

When beliefs are positive ones, we experience desirable effects. Think of a little girl raised to believe there are no limits to what women can accomplish. Or a young boy filled with unshakable confidence in his abilities throughout his childhood.

Beliefs fuel us. They make us unstoppable.

Positive beliefs can propel us to do big things.

When beliefs go wrong, however, is when they’re troubling. Whenever false beliefs — really just inaccurate, limiting stories – become lodged in the mind and body, life takes an entirely different turn. Though limiting beliefs don’t have to impact negatively, very often they do. Scarier still, these lies have the potential to impact most anything, from self-image to health to physical capabilities to relationships to finances and so much more.

No aspect of human life is immune to the effects of the lies we tell ourselves, and constantly reinforce, via limiting beliefs.

No aspect of life is immune to the effects of the lies we tell ourselves, and constantly reinforce.

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False beliefs can potentially cause a range of symptoms and behaviors. Acting nervously, fearful, sickly, loud, timid, stupid, incapable, or unworthy, are just examples. They can lead us to stay small, feel inadequate, resist change, or refrain from speaking up in life, too. Imagine the lifelong impact of our thoughts! As they remain stuck in the subconscious, they literally have the power to keep us stuck and unable to move past them as adults.

Insidious in nature, perhaps the most dangerous characteristic of limiting beliefs is we usually don’t know they’re there. True or untrue, they can impact lives profoundly, causing behaviors that continually validate the beliefs themselves! How? Like the silent cheer leader I described, our inner coaches utilize beliefs as the basis for giving advice. Thus, if our coaches have nothing but limiting advice on which to draw from, they dole it out as truths. False truths lead to bad coaching. And bad coaching reinforces limiting truths. Thus, the cycle continues.

Unless it is interrupted.

That’s where looking inward is crucial and clearing is essential.

Often, limiting beliefs take root during childhood. Sometimes, depending upon your openness to looking beyond the present life, one can even begin looking in the womb, or at beliefs carried forth from past lives, if this feels right to you.

False truths lead to bad coaching. Bad coaching reinforces limiting truths.

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Regardless of their origin, clearing limiting beliefs is essential to well-being. Clearing can lead to a greater sense of freedom, greater successes, and greater fulfillment as we move toward becoming our true selves. For without clearing the lies, we continue living within their restrictions, never fully expressing ourselves as we are meant to be.

Different practitioners advise different methods for clearing these lies. Energy movement, emotional clearing, and guided meditation, are just a few of the ways one can begin recognizing and removing (clearing) blocks and limitations. Other ways include daily affirmations, hypno kinds of therapies, and positive self-talk.

In my own life and research, and in helping other women, some techniques tend to delve deeper, and seem to be more successful than others. But like anything else, what works well for one may not work as well for another. It can take many attempts and exploring many different modalities before finding one that feels right.

Bottom line, it may be time to begin recognizing it’s the inner subconscious (your silent coach) who is really in charge of what’s happening in your life. Only by noticing the power of past experiences can we even begin to understand our daily challenges, behaviors and frustrations. Taking steps to begin clearing these beliefs can help pave the path to freedom.

Standing with you as you reflect on the possibilities!

Jun 27 2014

A letter to new homeschool moms

Dear Mamma,

Welcome to homeschooling!

I know you just got here, but I wanted to make sure somebody stood up and waved, welcomed you aboard and said, “I’m glad you’re here!”

You are just getting started, and maybe you have questions. You’re excited. Probably a little nervous. Maybe worried, too.

You want your kids to do well. You want them to be normal. You wonder if you’ll measure up as a teacher, too.

I remember those feelings. Everyone has them. I’m just glad we are having the chance to meet, so I can tell you how normal you are.

When I first started, one of the first things I remember is the other moms. I called around, asked questions, and one day showed up in the park where they were meeting. I met moms who were very in control and moms that were very relaxed. I met moms that were planning every single hour of every day, and moms who seemed to take every day at a time, never quite knowing what they and their children would be doing next.

Though I didn’t see any moms exactly like me, those meetings put me at ease, and I knew I would eventually find a place either among them, or some similar group nearby.

I hope you’ve met moms like these, too. If not, I hope you find some soon.

When I first started, I remember hearing so many different things — all at once. Terms I had never even heard of. Products I had no idea where to find. Names of books, courses, and other people. I tried to soak it up (taking notes, cause that’s my style) and research them all. I knew I could do it, but it was a lot to take in all at once.

Has that happened to you? If it hasn’t, get ready…it might.

How are things going?

Are you handling it all okay?

Are you firm in your decision to homeschool, or still thinking?

Have you begun the research and the reading, or are you still looking for information to help get started?

We have never met, and maybe never will. But I feel as if I know you, because you’re a lot like I was.

I feel like I know you, because you are me so many years ago.

I feel like I know you, because I have met hundreds (thousands?) of moms just like you over the last 20+ years.

We haven’t met, and maybe never will. But I feel as if I know you, because you are a lot like other moms I have met before.

In the world of homeschooling (or really, in the world of parenting) we’re all so different, yet still so very much alike. We love our kids and want to do the best we can. We’re busy in the present while worrying about the future. We’re handling details of today and planning for tomorrow. Somehow, we do it. It’s noble work, but not easy. Not by a long-shot.

So, welcome! I’m glad you’re here.

It may take time, but you’ll do fine. I know, because I did. You will, too.

But, if you need me, I’m here. I can work with you to select courses, choose products, plan schedules, find resources and meet other people. Let me know how I can help. (Click here to get help.)

Happy homeschooling!

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The importance of having a local contact

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Apr 24 2014

Old mom, young mom

So, the other day I commented on a post written by a young, brand-new homeschool mom. I was over-the-moon about her post — it was great. I absolutely loved what she was sharing with her audience. I love to see women supporting women, encouraging each other, empowering themselves.

I wanted to say thanks. And let her know I stopped by. I left what I felt to be a thoughtful, encouraging comment. You would have done the same thing, right?

Big mistake.

I was hit with a comment assault.

My crime?

Using the word “cute” in a sentence.

Not to describe her. Not even something she said exactly. But it was there. Yes, indeed, I said it.

Some said it was trite. Some wrote it was condescending. Some called me a know-it-all. A whole bunch of people did the head nod. And, of course, others chimed in just for the heck of it.

The claim? I don’t really know. I think I said too much. Or maybe, I should not have commented at all?

What had I said? I was trying to be helpful. I was really, really polite. I followed all the rules of grammar. I was nice. Heck, I even included my trademark smiley — you know the one I use?

Oh my. The smiley should have been my first clue. (Thank goodness I didn’t try to use a hashtag again.)

It wasn’t until the next day that I figured it out. I realized I did that ” old mom” thing again. I had forgotten about it.

I’m too old to comment on young mom blogs. It’s not that I’m really, really old. But, compared to young mom, I am.

I have been homeschooling a long time.

I have been around the homeschool block a few times.

And, I guess, sometimes, just sometimes, young moms don’t want to hear from us…ahem, seasoned veterans. Us “older moms”.

I understand. I get it.

But sometimes, I forget.

I remember when I first started. I needed advice but only wanted it a little bit at a time. In small doses. In ways I could relate to.

For goodness sakes, if a mom like me had dumped a, “When I first started…” or “When my kids were little” type lecture on me — some days – I might not have liked it, either. I would have shut down. It may have been too much.

I got to thinking about this. It’s like giving baby advice when you haven’t had a newborn in 20 years. Because, “When my kids were babies, the doctors told us to sleep them on their stomachs” is exactly what today’s moms want to hear. So is, “When my kids were born, we let them hang out the car window without wearing seat belts. People used to smoke in the car with all the windows closed. We even let ’em ride in the back of the station wagon.” not especially welcome, either.

It’s like Friend-ing a teen on Facebook. It’s like not knowing the words to a popular song — or worse, knowing the words and singing it. Shopping in the Junior’s Department. Not getting the latest joke. Not knowing what’s on TV. Not having a smart phone. Wearing practical shoes. Not watching Saturday Night Live. Not cool.

Yep, totally me.

My best guess is I was trying to fit in where I wasn’t really welcome — any more. Maybe welcome isn’t exactly the word. But aftwards, I felt like I had been uninvited from a private club. You know the kind. You’re invited, but people hope you never really show up. Wrist slapped. Set straight. Last one picked on the team.

I’m sorry.

I’ll do better next time.

Love,

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Apr 16 2014

Are homeschool moms lonely?

So much is written about the about the lack of socialization of homeschooled kids. Though that ship has sailed (are there still people who believe this any more?), it’s a topic that just never seems to want to die.

What we don’t hear so much about, is the moms. The social aspect of being a mom, that is. The isolation.

Do homeschool mammas have adequate socialization?

And does it matter?

I remember when my children were very young. At one point, I had 3 littles under age 6 and had just moved to a new state. No family to help in a crisis or just to be there for everyday events. No friends since I was new to the area. No resources to rely on since I’d been essentially house-bound and hadn’t really met anyone.

Aside from my husband, it was just me and the kiddos. Day after day, night after night.

You know the drill. They came everywhere. To the store, to doctor visits, to the car repair center, to the bank, and to anywhere I needed to go. We were attached. And though we were all together, at times, I felt invisible and alone.

It took years before I ever got out alone. Literally. My husband’s work schedule was very demanding, and it just never seemed to happen. I had met other families by then, so we saw lots of people. But I never got to go anywhere with friends.

Though my life is different now, I see this with other homeschool moms, too.

I know it’s hard to get out once in a while. For me, it wasn’t until a sweet friend invited me to go shopping with her many years ago that I even realized what was missing. It sounds silly, but that one evening changed my life. I went from being a mother to being me again. For just a little while. I felt so much better.

Don’t get me wrong. I loved everything about my life, and still do. But those moments of freedom, away from the house, away from the children, away from the chores and the demands, were so rejuvenating. And though I didn’t do it very often, I managed to sneak out alone or with friends every now and again while my kids were little, just for me.

Recently, while trying to plan a dinner with some local friends, this problem circled back around. I realized we had all become too busy again. Though our kids are almost grown and most can even be left home alone, we’ve again become occupied with the matters of doing what we do. And I don’t like it.

I have written blogs about topics like this before. You’ll find a couple of related articles here:

Time out for moms and dads

Homeschool burnout

Parents first

Moms who hurt

Too much togetherness

But this time, I’d like to hear from you. Do YOU think homeschool moms are socially isolated? Are we lonely?

Please SHARE your thoughts in a COMMENT. Thank you!