Marie-Claire Moreau

Author, Speaker, Teacher, Mom

Homeschool Secrets Revealed! How do they do it?

Buy a copy now

New homeschoolers — particularly those just getting ready to make the commitment – ask many of the same questions.  “Where do I buy the books?” parents want to know.  “How do I know what I’m supposed to teach?” is another.  Of major concern is always, “Does homeschooling really work?” and “Can we afford it?” too.

As lives become busier than ever and our nation’s schools continue to disappoint, however, parent questions have taken on a new focus.  Basing their assumptions on homeschool as the superior option, parents now ask, “How do these people do it?” and “What’s the secret?” instead.   Though still interested in specifics, today’s families strive to learn if and how homeschooling will fit in with their daily lives.

Believe me — if there were one secret, one formula, one quick and painless tip to follow, or one tip that would guarantee homeschool success, I would surely share it with you now.  If you follow my blogs, my books, and my videos, you already know I’d share this information with you right away!

Unfortunately, it isn’t quite that simple.

BUT…the good news is — it isn’t hard, either.

You see, there isn’t just ONE secret to homeschool success.

Actually, there are TEN.

In truth, every successful homeschool family has found what works well for THEM.  Either naturally, by accident, or using years of trial-and-error, productive and happy homeschoolers have each discovered a formula for their own success.

The great thing is that — even though every family is different — successful actions always have things in common.

Years of research, observation and practice have led me to the discovery that homeschool success involves a combination of things — primarily a combination of TEN GREAT HABITS – that contribute to a great experience.

I now know what these great habits are.  I see them in thousands of other families.  I practice them myself.

Many of these habits come naturally to many people.  Even if they don’t, most can easily be learned.

What if everyone had a list of the habits of the most successful people?  What if every homeschooler had a list of successful homeschool habits, too?

In my e-book, The Way Homeschoolers Do, I reveal the TOP-TEN great homeschool habits.  You may think of these as the SECRETS to homeschool success, if you like.

 

Buy the book here

 

In The Way Homeschoolers Do, readers are given a glimpse into what makes successful homeschool families tick.  More importantly, readers learn the specific characteristics of homeschool families (the habits) that explain how these families do it.

Now, when new and prospective homeschoolers ask me, “How do homeschoolers do it?” I am able to share my list of the 10 great habits that explain this success.

When family and friends ask you how you do it, you can refer them to this list, too.

I think you’ll enjoy this compilation and explanation of the TEN HABITS of successful homeschool families.

This book is available in our e-store. Prices and purchasing details here.

 

Just ten reasons to homeschool your child

ten reasons

If there was ever a right time to homeschool your child, that time is now.  No longer different, homeschooling has reached the mainstream.  And if being popular wasn’t already enough, it even seems to be getting a little trendy, too.

Why is this phenomenon growing so rapidly?

More importantly, why should YOU think about it now — even if you’ve never thought of it before?

1. Millions of people are doing it.  It isn’t different any more.  You’ll fit in easily.

2. It’s easier than ever. Boatloads of products have come out since the early days.  There is something for every kind of kid there is.

3. It doesn’t cost a lot.  Loads of families do it on the cheap.  Much cheaper than private school.

4. You can work around it.  You read that right.  Lots of homeschool families work in the home, and outside, too.

5. The results just keep coming.  If you weren’t sure before, be sure now. It works, and everybody knows it.

6. It’s a big world out there.  That world is easier to access than ever.  Except from behind a student desk 6 or 8 hours a day.

7. Individuality is the new normal.  Why blend in with the pack when you can stand out instead?

8. Diversity shmiversity.  Why teach something when you can experience it first-hand?

9. Take a good look at the kids that surround your children all day long. These are the people your children will soon become.

10. Because you can.  It’s free and it’s legal.  With very few strings attached.  For many, that is reason enough.

Admit it.  How many times have you thought about it already?   How many people do you know that are already on board?

Could this be the right time for you, too?

 

Marie-Claire Moreau, Quick Start Homeschool

 

 

More lists of TEN you might like:

Ten Things to Do When Pulling Kids out of School

The Way Homeschoolers Do: Ten Habits of Successful Homeschoolers

 

Plus, here’s a list of FIFTY:

Fifty Places to Learn in Your Own Home Town

 

SHARING OPTIONS:                                                                                                                        [Image Source]

Welcome to homeschooling! Now go get yourself a book.

Welcome to the wonderful world of homeschooling!  On behalf of the global community of home educating families, let me be the first to say we’re glad you’re here!

What?  You’re asking what to do now?

You mean — you haven’t done any research?

Oh my.

Well, no worries.  I’m here to help.  Really.  I wrote a book about how to start homeschooling for people just like you.

But I need to be blunt.  You need to take that first step.

After all, homeschooling is all about doing things yourself.  Your way.  With your kids.

So…if you’re really planning to do this thing…start now.

Go get yourself a book.

I suggest buying a good, getting-started, how-to, or what-the-heck-is-this-all-about type of homeschooling book.  One that speaks to you.  One that comes recommended by friends you admire.  One that is packed with new, modern, up-to-date information.  One written in a style that matches your way of thinking.  Or, maybe one that matches your budget or has a pretty cover.  However you want to do it.   The choice is yours.

You’ll find the homeschooling book I published HERE.  It tells you exactly what to do the first two weeks.  Or, shop the marketplace to find others you prefer.  There are many good ones out there, each offering a little something different.

While waiting for the book to arrive, start —

  • following a couple of homeschool blogs that appeal to you;
  • subscribing to homeschool newsletters you think you’ll enjoy reading;
  • studying different homeschool models and educational philosophies that sound interesting to you; and
  • getting to know homeschool laws that apply where you live.

Jumping in feet first is the quickest way to get wet.  On the other hand, it can be awfully helpful to have a guiding hand or supportive reference to give you a general idea about what to do — or help get you rescued in the unlikely event you start drowning.

A good homeschool book can do that for you.

You’ll read it again and again.   You’ll refer to it over and over. You’ll pass the name on to friends who are getting started, too.

Digital downloads are fine, but something about homeschool paperbacks is just comforting.   A quick grab wherever you are.  An old friend waiting patiently on the shelf.

Whether you are just beginning or have been homeschooling for a while, books like these can have that effect.  There may be something you missed the first time around, or something you’d like to revisit because the time has finally come to apply that little bit of information.

The gift of preparation and knowledge is priceless.  Whether you get a book now, or buy one eventually after homeschooling a while, having a homeschooling book on the shelf is always a great idea.

Image Source

 

 

 

 

Homeschool Burnout

Just about everyone gets excited at the thought of a brand-new homeschool year.   Ah, the fun, the supplies, the new books, and don’t forget about the field trips!  How the same folks get from there to burnout in just a few months isn’t always clear.  But somewhere round the bend from the glorious first half of the homeschool year into the second stretch, as the weather warms and the sound of whining fills the air (yours as much as theirs), it sets in.   It can happen around stressful events, holidays and even summers, too.

“Hello, Burnout.  Haven’t seen you since this time last year.”

Yep, the desks are no longer clean. Supplies are severely disorganized.  Frankly, so is your mind.  Everybody is tired of the routine. Or maybe all heck has just broken loose altogether.

It’s not that uncommon.  Everybody runs out of steam from time to time.  But, maybe — you should have seen it coming?  It’s not as though you haven’t been there before.

So, what to do?  Better yet, how can you avoid burnout next year once-and-for-all!?

For starters, take a break.  Yea, yea, you’ve heard it before.  That’s because it works.  A day, a week, a month.  Whatever it takes to clear your mind, your desk, your plate.

Next, take notes.  Why?  So you’ll remember for next year. Keep a journal, a notebook, a diary. Write down the date, some notes, and what you were doing around that time.  Mark the date on next year’s calendar…30 days BEFORE.  That’ll give you time to arm yourself for the next time — hopefully side-swiping it entirely.

Lastly, switch things up.  Once the break has ended and everyone is ready to head back to work, do things differently.  Change subjects, change books, change rooms, change times, change methods.  You can switch one thing, or many.  Whatever it takes to inspire, motivate or give new life and perspective to what was taking place before.

Finally, as a rule of thumb, if burnout becomes a regular thing in your home, take a look at the bigger picture, too.  It’s always okay to change things up any time of year, not just when burnout comes knocking. In fact, varying activities all year long can help avoid burnout altogether!

Keep in mind other tell-tale signs, like students who are overworked, or  students who aren’t challenged enough.  Trying to be a super hero yourself could be the problem.  Or setting standards too high for everyone concerned.

Overall, homeschool life is joyful.  Aside from occasional challenges, it isn’t supposed to be miserable.  If burnout visits more often than you’d like, look deeper into the causes.  But, for now, print these 3 steps and hang them somewhere handy:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Time to get rid of unschooling

Darn you, unschooling. I wish you never existed.

You’re a misnomer and you’re terribly misunderstood.   You send incorrect messages and just confuse people.  From what I can tell, hardly anybody understands you.  Except for your close friends, people don’t really seem to like you, either.

It’s not your fault.  In fact, it’s not about you at all.  You inherited this problem.  It was a good idea at the time.  But times have changed.  Nobody meant to hurt you or anything…it just, kinda…happened.

I’ll get right to the point…((deep breath))…it’s your name.  I mean, unschooling? It’s so wrong.  I’m sorry, but your name just makes a big mess of everything.  You might as well call youself nonschooling for gosh sakes.  I mean, that’s what a lot of people think you are anyway.

Don’t get me wrong, I know what you’re doing, and I really, really, really like you for it.  Really I do.  But not everybody “gets” you the way I do.  Did you ever think about that?  I think that’s why you’re always getting yourself in trouble on TV and everywhere.  I mean, you’re already a little bit hard for most people to understand.  And then — with that name – it just makes things even worse.

Plus — and I don’t mean to be selfish or anything – but having you in the same room as homeschoolers gets everybody gets all worked up about what I do, too.  So, really, you’re not just harming yourself.  By association, you’re kinda hurting me, too.

See, here’s the thing.  To most people, unschooler means NO SCHOOL.  As in, THE OPPOSITE OF school.  You know, like un- anything.  And that wouldn’t be so bad if that’s all it was.  So, you don’t like school.  People could probably handle that.

But the problem is, that most people think that no school equals NO LEARNING, too.    There’s the problem.  It doesn’t send the right message.  So now, if you keep that name, you’ve got everybody all mixed up, thinking unschoolers aren’t going to school so they’re automatically not learning.  Get it?

So I have a plan.  I notice other people use terms like child-led, interest-led and curiosity-driven to describe what you do.  Those are kinda nice words, don’t you think?  I mean, they’re sweet and cute, they’re positive and upbeat, and — most importantly – they definitely imply learning.  Don’t you think?

So, I’m thinking we stop calling you unschooling.  Since that’s not really what you are anyway.  And instead, we start calling you by some other name.  I personally like interest-led the best, but I can even come up with a few more if you don’t like those.    In fact, I scribbled out a list the other day.  Here it is so far:

  • Freedom to learn
  • Learning without boundaries
  • Learning when I’m ready
  • Learning because I want to
  • Researching stuff I want to know
  • Loving to learn
  • Doing my thing
  • Cultivating my skills and talents
  • Living my real life
  • Learning as I go

I know a lot of those don’t sound like real names and they aren’t really official or anything, but maybe it can help you pick the one you like best.  The thing I liked about my list was that it kinda makes every child seem like an unschooler in a way, doesn’t it?  Heck, by those definitions, probably every human is an unschooler, too.

Bottom line, we seriously need to change your image.  You’re not helping yourself by holding on to ancient history.  Plus, you’re bringing me down along with you.  Give it some thought would you?  And if you come up with any better names, would you add them to my COMMENTs, too?

Much love,

 

Author’s note added 17 October 2012:  This post is about the term ‘unschooling’ — the word itself – and is not an opinion nor a commentary on unschooling itself or those who consider themselves unschoolers.  The message is about public perception, image and home education PR.  Click the ‘tongue-in-cheek’ tag, the ‘unschooling’ tag, or others to find additional posts of this kind, should you be inclined to continue reading.  For the reader’s information, unschooling is legal and practiced in all 50 states, and around the world.  ‘Natural Learning’ (just another term) has occurred since the beginning of mankind, and is as fundamental a trademark of being human as are other natural behaviors.  Perhaps the only ‘problem’ with unschooling is its name, if this is indeed a problem, as the benefits and outcomes of unschooling have been amply demonstrated and are evidenced daily by the grown children raised in unschooling families.  As with everything homeschooling/unschooling/anyschooling,  however, there is no universal best choice.  Readers are encouraged to choose the lifestyle that works best for them. 

Sick days

What happens when homeschooled kids get sick?  Does schooling continue?  Can courses be skipped?  And most importantly, are there rules about how many days kids can take off from homeschool?

Like most things about homeschooling, the answers to these questions depend on individual families and individual approaches to homeschooling.

Some families, for instance, are just naturally more rigid in their considerations of logging hours and recording school days than others.  Although nobody may be watching, it is still very important to these families that work gets completed on time, and that students not fall too far behind the lesson plans.

On the other hand, some parents allow sick children to take time off, or just instruct them to complete whatever school-work they feel they can do while being sick (think less strenuous activities like reading in bed or watching a DVD from the couch).

Still other families carefully help students compensate for lost work because grades depend on it.  This is especially true when state laws dictate the number of homeschool days, or when homeschoolers are enrolled in programs which require a certain number of assignments per week/month.  It can be very important in these cases to make up lost work on weekends or vacations, and submit all requirements once the student feels better.

And, finally, out of necessity (mom may be sick, too) or belief (other kids get sick days off), some just skip school altogether.

Depending on the philosophical approach to education and the type of work assigned, there are many different ways to handle sick days.  Here are a few ideas, though families must always do what works best for them:

Carry On: Attempt to continue with the routine with as little interruption as possible.  Results in less disruption to the regular work load, though work quality may suffer since students aren’t well.

Lighten the Load: Require some work, but not all. Courses deemed more important — even critical – are completed, while others get the day off with no make-up.

Adopt [Temporary] Different Approach:  Curriculum-users turn to unschooling for a week.  Organized schoolers drop schedules and use relaxed methods for a few days.  Online learners turn to print books instead.  And so on.

Skip School and Reschedule: Take days off and compensate by doubling-up on later lessons or scheduling school during vacations and weekends.

Skip School and Forget It: Take needed days off and find peace in the decision, knowing that several days off probably won’t matter anyway.

 

 

{Image: Flickr}

 

Handling first-day jitters

Starting to homeschool can be a very exciting time.  Just about everyone looks forward to using new school supplies and turning the first crisp pages of a brand-new book.

But those first days can sometimes be accompanied by a bad case of the jitters, too.  Parents may worry if everything they’ve planned will work out right.  Kids sometimes wonder what the year will be like — particularly if they’ve been withdrawn from school and have been used to a different kind of school experience.

The first way to cope is to understand that first-day jitters are perfectly normal.  Hardly anyone enters a brand-new situation without some degree of apprehension or curiosity about the process.  Realizing that many homeschoolers — including parents and kids -sometimes get nervous and excited at the start of a new year may help to underscore how common the feeling really is.  Even families who have homeschooled  for many years sometimes find themselves hoping the year will go off without any major glitches.

The next trick to dealing with jitters is pacing oneself.  Starting off gradually — even if only part-time for a week or two – works wonders to allay any worries about homeschooling for the first time.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with trying out a subject or two before all of the others are added to the daily rotation.  Jitters are quickly squelched when family members realize they have plenty of time to ease into the new routine.

Finally, accepting everyone’s best effort is necessary to handling homeschool jitters.  Starting off with the goal of perfection creates a very high-stakes situation that few families are able to live up to.  Instead, begin the year understanding that everyone has good days and bad days, and the expectation that not every day will be picture-perfect.   Recognize that homeschooling isn’t just about education — it’s also about living life – and that life’s twists and turns will sometimes get in the way.

How have you handled first day jitters?

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Too much togetherness?

What’s it like to have the kids home 24/7?  Do homeschool parents ever dream of getting a day off, too?

Of course we do.  I’d be lying if I said that homeschool moms and dads never think about what it must be like to load the kids onto a yellow bus and go home to sip coffee while it’s actually still hot.  Or take an uninterrupted shower.  Or eat a breakfast actually prepared for us, instead of dining on scraps left on a child’s plate.  It isn’t something we brag about, but we’re human.  It’s natural for us to need a break from time to time.

Just think about it.  When was the last time you got out by yourself?  Got to watch a television program from beginning to end?  Were able to catch up with an old friend?

Is it wrong to wish for such things every now and then?

The truth is, perpetual motion is exhausting — both mentally and physically.  The responsibility of raising little people can seem enormous at times.  Homeschool parents don’t get breaks from the constant action happening in and around the home.  And they never get a break from being solely behind every educational decision made on behalf of the kids, either.

Do we mind?  Of course not.  Actually, we like it.  It’s a choice we gladly make for the sake of our children, and for the future of the entire family.  As a matter of fact, when we hear people talking about sending kids to school, it can even be hard for us to understand why anyone would want their children gone when it’s such a joy and a privilege having them around.

But homeschooling doesn’t come without a price.  And that price is the occasional feeling of too much togetherness.  When nobody ever leaves, things can feel a little bit too close.  Moms tend to feel it most, but dads may experience it, too.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with dreaming of a day off every now and again.  If anything, the only thing wrong with dreaming about it is never doing it.  Every parent — homeschooling or not – needs time off once in a while.

There are many ways that homeschool parents can get a little time to themselves.  It just takes a little planning, that’s all.  I’ve heard all of the excuses — in fact, I have used many of them myself.  But in the end, there is a solution to every single one of them.  So there is really no good reason not to get a little vacation from the family every so often.

Occasional breaks may be achieved by asking older children to supervise younger ones for 15-30 minutes while mom retreats to her room with a cup of tea.  Even a friend or neighbor may be asked to sit with the children briefly while mom takes a bike ride or goes for a short walk.  Longer breaks can be scheduled by asking grandparents to oversee the home and family while parents head out for dinner and a movie.  Some homeschool moms and dads even organize exchanges where one watches the other’s children for a day, and the other family returns the favor the next time around.

Regular down time for the entire family can be achieved by scheduling an hour each day for everyone to retreat to their rooms for napping or some other quiet activity.  This break from the day can give everyone the time they need away from the activity, and allow moms or dads the feeling of having the house to themselves for just a little while.  Oftentimes, this 60-minute break is all that is needed to finish out the day with great joy and satisfaction.

As wonderful as it is being together, there is nothing wrong with parents needing a little time to themselves, too.  See if these ideas may work in your home, and please use the COMMENT area to share others that have worked for you!

 

 

Support group mismatch

So, you’re all geared up to start homeschooling but there’s just one thing missing — a support system.  Good thinking.  Just about every homeschooler will tell you it’s a lot easier to do it in the company of friends.  Not the homeschooling part, but the other parts.  Like knowing where to buy supplies, locating hard-to-find items, figuring out the legalities, signing up for field trips, going to park days and those kinds of things.

Finding a support group is easy.

Finding the right support group, however, is a little bit harder.

Every support system has a unique vibe, its own personality if you will.  The coordinator or leader of the group, plus make-up of the membership usually determines the flavor and types of offerings.  Groups may change over time, too, making this even a little trickier.  The best way to fit a great match is to shop around, join several, and then weed out those that don’t fit your family and personal style.

Everyone is different, so no one universal rule applies for finding that best match.

But you can bet there are some tell-tale signs that a group isn’t the best match.   Should you find yourself nodding in agreement while reading through some of these bullets, it may be time to move on:

Structure. Some groups have it, but many do not.  The structural backbone of a group determines how rigid the rules about membership, scheduling activities, attending meetings, and so on.  Those who prefer a different mode of operation may have difficultly operating in a group that doesn’t work the way they’re used to.  Structure may be comforting to some, but exceedingly restrictive for others.  A mismatch in this area can make members who are unwilling to conform (even a little) very uncomfortable.

Leadership.  Though not every group has a strict hierarchy of leadership, most have specific parents responsible for organizing the membership and the activities that take place.   These leaders have much more responsibility than they sometimes realize.  Despite the amount of work these leaders actually contribute, their members desire to look toward them as role models and experts in homeschooling, and related areas like parenting, citizenship, and following laws and regulations, too.   When leaders act irresponsibly, distribute inaccurate information, or they or their children display improper behavior, members notice.  Successful groups are ones in which members respect the leadership and believe that no harm will come to their children and their homeschool efforts.  Groups in which members do not feel that leaders may be trusted do not last the test of time.

Philosophy.  The immense popularity of homeschooling means that families and the reasons they do it are more varied than ever before.  While this is a good thing, these differences mean it is also more difficult than ever to locate a local support group that shares a family’s exact homeschool philosophy, approach and methodology.   Years ago, it was easy to find a group of parents who shared the same ideas, followed the same homeschooling approach, and even used the same curriculum!  Though these groups still exist today, it can take an Internet connection and heavy email use to participate.  This shift means that families must participate in local groups to gain access to activities, but remain on-line to discuss philosophical issues that matter to them.  This greater effort leads to greater opportunities for the children — overall, not a bad thing – but makes it a tad harder to find good, local support.

Membership.  Support systems need to fit a need and, for most families, this includes other children for yours to hang out with.  Even the best support group in town becomes much less appealing if all your teen has to do during meetings is take turns pushing preschoolers on the swings.   Groups leaders don’t always like this question, but it’s very common for families to ask the ages of the other children when deciding whether to join a support system or not.  And why not?  With socialization constantly at the center of debate and many homeschoolers spending extra time at home,  it makes perfect sense to guarantee your kids can be making friends while you are chatting with other parents.

Faith.  Or not.  Not surprisingly, many groups are formed solely on a common belief system.  Don’t share those beliefs?  You may not feel comfortable in the group, assuming your family was even allowed to join at all.  Some groups advertise using terms like “inclusive”, “exclusive”, and “religion-friendly” on the web site or literature.  Others require a signed statement-of-faith as part of the membership packet.  Though families do not always choose homeschooling for religious reasons, sharing a bond with other like-minded families still remains a primary focus for many people all around the country.  Should your faith not match theirs, it’s probably not the group for you.

Turmoil.  No list would be complete without mentioning the internal turmoil that frequently arises from parent groups of this kind.  Talk to any member of a homeschool association, a parent-teacher organization, mom’s group, social club, or organization of any sort and you’ll hear of the drama that occurs when individuals do not see eye to eye.  Though this cannot always be avoided, it does present parents with the choice of getting involved in the turmoil or not.  Remembering that the purpose of these groups is ultimately to serve students and that children model adult behavior is often enough to diffuse any situations that arise.  Not contributing to the turmoil isn’t always easy, but can be accomplished by participating on the periphery rather than within the center of those responsible for the awkwardness.   And though it isn’t always an easy or popular place to be, those within the circle of leadership must adhere to their mission when making decisions that affect the group, allowing it to carry out its purpose for many years to come.

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On homeschool moms and letting go

[Author’s note, 2017: This article caused a great stir when originally published in 2012. Though I appreciated the widespread sharing, discussion and commentary below in comments and over social media, it also concerned me the amount of criticism I received for bringing this issue to light. I repeat today what I wrote originally, which is that certainly letting go must happen differently for different people; however, over the years, homeschool moms have sometimes confided the tenderness of their hearts when looking ahead to children ultimately leaving the nest. My article was never meant to generalize an entire population of homeschool moms, convict anyone for caring too much or in unhealthy ways, nor claim this is happening in the majority. More importantly, I never meant to hint at harm or abuse, as was implied by a good deal of readers who felt I made that assertion. The truth is, in my 20+ years of encounters with homeschoolers all across the country and other parts of the world, I would estimate that the majority of homeschool moms (and dads, too) have no difficulty letting go, and in fact look proudly and enthusiastically upon the process, knowing their children are poised and ready to face the joys and challenges of adult life. My article was written solely to assist the minority of moms who’ve admitted being worried about letting go, as a way to share what I’ve seen work in other homes, and to comfort those who may be struggling similarly.]

It takes a special kind of mom to homeschool her children.  You know the kind: loves her kids until it hurts, goes to the moon and back to keep them safe, harnesses superpowers to protect them from evil, and stops at nothing to grant her offspring a world of opportunities plus a life of never-ending happiness.  These qualities are certainly not unique to homeschool moms — it’s just what moms do.

We want to do it all.  Be there 24/7.  Sure, every mom nurtures, protects, and cheers her kids on.  But the homeschool mom takes on even a little bit more, because she’s not about to give away the reigns of child-rearing and education.  She’s in the driver’s seat, charting her own course, deciding when and where to turn along the way.

The homeschool mom is in control, and plans to stay there.

I assert this control can lead to a problem – when letting go.  Though not true of everyone, many a homeschool mom has confessed her fear of letting go once her children are grown.

I have experienced this to some degree. Have you?

A fear of letting go is hard to describe.  It’s the feeling that some day, after being there day-in and day-out,  all those years, the realization that the kids won’t need her so much any more.  It’s reality that the children will eventually do schoolwork on their own.  And graduate from high school.  And head to college.  And, then, some day (gasp!) leave home and move away.

Homeschool moms of littles haven’t begun thinking letting go.  But you can bet moms of middle- and high schoolers think about it.  Sometimes a lot.

It’s natural and unavoidable, you might say. But overthinking letting our kids go can be sad, too.

Fortunately, Mother Nature helps prepare for a child’s eventual independence, as she has done for generations (remember the last time you had an argument with your teen?).  Alas, that doesn’t always make it any easier, especially for moms who hold on too tight.

There are ways homeschool moms worried about letting go can help themselves.  Even the most fiercely protective and controlling moms can ease into the idea of letting go.  Please understand that I am not an expert in this area. However, I have found these tips to be helpful for women I know.

For starters, recognize when children are able to do things on their own.  This should begin in the early years and must continue as the child grows.   We sometimes see moms doing for children the things the children should be doing by themselves.  Whether a child ties shoelaces poorly or makes a messy bed is insignificant.  Learning by trying over and over is what builds confidence.  Ultimately, it’s that confidence that leads to independence.

Assigning kids responsibility is necessary and helpful.  By assigning independent schoolwork, household chores, sibling care, and other age-appropriate duties, kids learn when they’re accountable for their completion.   With greater responsibility comes greater independence. Ultimately, self-sufficiency can aid in viewing kids that way, since self-sufficiency needs to be visible in order to feel good about letting go.

As her children grow, moms must learn to step back.  As obvious as this is to some, some moms don’t see this as clearly.  Children as early as 3rd or 4th grade are capable of doing a good deal of homeschool work, plus many other things, on their own.  Though it may take some retraining — perhaps extra willpower for those used to sitting by a child’s side – homeschool moms must expect that a portion of her child’s work is done independently.  Am I suggesting that homeschooling should occur without help or supervision? Of course not. But, schooling with the expectation that mom can walk away for longer and longer periods of time is the norm.

Finally, as the children move into adolescence and young adulthood, moms must be willing to relinquish some things.  This will vary from person to person, but if she hasn’t done so already, she must cease activities that may thwart her child’s independence or take away opportunities for them to use their own judgement.    Moms must learn  to welcome — and look forward to – the day that her child’s knowledge of a subject surpasses her own.  And she must allow her child to express opinions and thoughts, even if they do not always coincide with her own.

Giving away control isn’t the same as giving up on caring.  It is, however, a way for moms to learn to let go.  Over time, it gets easier, until eventually she recognizes that her children are ready to do the things they have the confidence and training to do.

Letting go is a process all parents go through, often naturally, and with no additional help at all.  But for the moms who may be worried about nurturing independence in their children or who outright fear their own inability to let go at the end, it’s my hope that these tips have given help and a bit of comfort.

To your success,

Dr. Marie-Claire Moreau is a college professor who traded in her tenure to become a homeschool mom 20+ years ago.  A homeschooling pioneer and the founder of many groups and organizations, she works to advance home education, and is an outspoken supporter of education reform coast to coast.  Her book, Suddenly Homeschooling: A Quick Start Guide to Legally Homeschool in Two Weeks, is industry-acclaimed as it illustrates how homeschooling can rescue children and families from the public school system, and how anyone can begin homeschooling within a limited time-frame, with no teaching background whatsoever.  A writer, a homeschool leader, and a women’s life coach, Marie-Claire mentors in a variety of areas that impact health, education and lifestyle. A conference speaker, she has appeared at FPEA, H.E.R.I., Home Education Council of America, The Luminous Mind, Vintage Homeschool Moms, iHomeschool Network, and many other events. Her articles have appeared in and on Holistic Parenting, CONNECT,Homefires, Homemaking Cottage, Kiwi, Circle of Moms, and hundreds of sites and blogs nationwide.  Marie-Claire can be reached at contactmarieclaire@gmail.com.