working moms Archives - Dr. Marie-Claire Moreau

Nov 30 2018

Honoring traditions without harming ourselves

As if modern life wasn’t busy enough, there are certain times of year when many of us just take on too much. Holidays and celebrations which should be joyous can become overwhelming when we forget to apply the principles and practices that keep us healthy all year long.

For most of us, making family memories and honoring ancestral traditions is an important part of special days of the year. The intense pressure we put on ourselves can leave us feeling like failures if we cannot do everything we’ve planned, or completely unwell for overextending ourselves to the point of exhaustion and sickness.

In today’s video message, I address the notion of honoring family traditions and trying to do it all. If any of this message resonates with you, you can begin to explore all the ways of handling extra emotional charge this season.

As always, let me know if I can help. Now, watch this:

[Editorial note: I accidentally blended the phrases “east coast” and “western hemisphere” in this video.]

Much love,

As a coach, writer, recovered over-doer and busyness addict, I understand the challenges of creating a balanced, healthy lifestyle while the mind tries to sabotage your success. In my journey to vibrant health, I created a personalized health system of nutrition and supplementation, lifestyle changes, and I retrained my mind and the energy of my body. I view my success as the formula to my happy, healthy life. I now empower other women to create their own personalized formulas, including the tools and strategies just right for them! Amazing life shifts come from our relationships. I look forward to helping you, too!

Oct 29 2017

Healing Adrenals by Reducing Stressors

May contain affiliate links

I’ve been sharing advice about dealing with adrenal fatigue over the last few weeks. If you’d like to read the articles from the very beginning, click HERE . If you only want to back up to the previous article, click HERE.

I need to remind you that I’m not a medical doctor. What I am doing is sharing what I’ve learned in over a decade of research, years of personal experience, and a good bit of professional experience working with women who share this particular problem. I also remind you that traditional medicine doesn’t understand this dilemma the way I’m helping you understand it. Finally, remember that the only way to truly recover from adrenal fatigue/overload/exhaustion is to get to the source and take a holistic approach to resolve it. Trust me on this — conventional medicine doesn’t understand what you’re going through and has no idea how to help.

I know you’re anxious to get answers. So, starting with this post, I’m going to share specific things that work for many people. Obviously, you’re unique, so I make no guarantees. Also, there’s always the possibility that something else is going in addition to your adrenal imbalance. All that being said, you agree to read this at your own risk.

So, the first step to healing the adrenals is this: Eliminate your stressors.

Not stressed, you say? Think again.

It’s easy to look at our lives and wonder what could possibly be affecting us so profoundly that our bodies stay on high alert. Even I sometimes fall back into the trap of listening with my brain instead of listening to my body. Our brains tell us to look around at our beautiful homes and our healthy families, reminding us how happy we must be and how blessed we really are. And these are good things, don’t get me wrong, because gratitude is important for healing, too.

The problem is, our outer lives don’t tell the whole picture. Counting blessings doesn’t explain what’s happening with the adrenal glands. As in, why do we feel so crummy if everything else is going so well?

So, because the adrenals don’t function on logic, neither should your assessment of the number of stressors that are in your life. Modern living is full of stress, so people’s lists of stressors are usually quite long.

When tackling adrenal fatigue, it’s crucial to expand your understanding of stressors, and begin actively removing a bunch of them. Now. This isn’t the time to wait around for things to change (if they ever do). If you’re serious about healing the adrenals, you must take an honest look at what’s going IN and AROUND your body. You might be surprised what many of them are.

List of common stressors to eliminate (at least some). Starting now. #adrenalfatigue #notlazyorcrazy

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List of Stressors

People: Yes, even (often especially) family members, neighbors, close “friends”, people who annoy or disagree, people who are “vampires” of your energy or good will
Past emotional hurts: Even those we’ve long forgotten (especially those)
Jobs and Organizations: Those that suck your time, provide little fulfillment, or don’t suit your purpose
Commuting: How long, how often, and conditions thereof
Other health issues: Which can add layer upon layer of additional stress
Household toxins: chemical sprays, cleaning products, candles, air fresheners, beauty products
Other household toxins: carpeting, furniture, paint, pretreated fabrics, flame-retardant items
Outdoor toxins: swimming pools, bug sprays, lawn treatments, vehicle emissions
Positive things: Which can also be stressful, even if they’re fun (vacations, toddlers, out of town guests)
Plastic: water bottles, storage containers, mattress liners, and any non-safe plastic items
GMO foods: Research and anectodal evidence beginning to show many harms and dangers
Non-organic foods: Improperly handled, grown using pesticides, unsafe soils and packaging
Processed foods: Contain all manner of artificial ingredients, colors, sweeteners, and non-food
Caffeine and alcohol
Sugar: Plain sugar plus the sugar hidden in many foods
Indoor living and lack of sunshine
Electronics: Overuse of devices, sitting near devices, using too close to bedtime
Finances: Living above means and struggling, or sensing lack even where there is none
Lighting: Improper lighting, not enough light, light too close to bedtime

I’m not kidding when I say that ALL those things affect your body, therefore your health. There are others, but those are some of the major culprits when it comes to solving adrenal imbalance.

Which Ones to Eliminate

In my experience, people usually know specifically the people and things that are creating stress in their lives. But, thinking about disconnecting from those stressors creates stress for them, too. Weighing that situation adds to their stress, making eliminating stressors a tough problem in itself.

Despite how hard it might seem, everyone can at least identify at least 3 to 5 stressors (more is better) get rid of them right away. It’s important not to cave in, and to follow thru with the changes as consistently as possible. The rewards will show themselves eventually as a reduction in the level of stress the adrenals have to deal with each day. Ideally, one would take a long vacation and return home after several months completely stress-free. Since that isn’t usually possible, eliminating stressors a few at a time is the only way.

And what about stressors that can never be eliminated? That’s a topic for another article, but the trick is to eliminate those that are possible and train yourself not to react to the rest. I’ve linked a book at the end that might help with the problem of taking on the energy of difficult people.

Final Advice On Stress

It took a while for adrenal fatigue to set in, so it will take a while to go away #adrenalfatigue…

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Always remember that it took a while for adrenal fatigue to set in, so it will take a while to go away. Dealing with stressors systematically, one at a time, consistently and patiently, will help without a doubt. Though it may take a bit of time to start noticing the effects, a greater sense of calm will eventually return, sometimes within weeks, but definitely within months, and especially if you do some of the others things I’ll talk about in the next article.

Also remember the story about the camel’s back, where it took just one straw to cause the camel’s demise. Though it may have been that final straw that caused your adrenal fatigue to show itself, it took a lot of straws in your personal story to get you to that point. Removing that one straw might help with adrenal fatigue temporarily, but it will only take another straw to break you all over again.

Eliminating many stressors is really required for success. Remove as many “straws” as you possibly can.

Eliminating stressors a key component to dealing with #adrenalfatigue #notlazyorcrazy

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Ill keep sharing if you’ll keep reading. Follow me by entering an email address into the SUBSCRIBE box at the bottom of my HOME PAGE.

Book recommendation for “empaths” and others who take on the stress/negativity of others (affiliate):

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To your good health,

Jun 09 2016

Why I wasted a good education and a great career to homeschool my kids

You’ve probably heard women defending their choices to stay home and have kids. Or leave good jobs to come home to kids. Or the bazillion other things women allegedly give up. Because kids. There’s been talk in the homeschooling community about it, too. Apparently, homeschool moms are frequently being asked why they waste their college educations or give up a good job to stay home. I am one homeschool mom who gets those questions, too.

Because I’m completely over feeling the need to explain myself, what I would normally say in a situation like this is: a) it’s nobody’s business what we do, b) parenting is hard enough without other people trying to make it harder, and c) everybody needs to start minding their p’s and q’s. But, because I love you and want to help you overcome the feelings that can come from hearing that kind of stuff, I decided to tackle this notion that educated slash career women are making a huge mistake.

If this has been bothering you at all, I hope to make you feel better soon. Ideally, by the end of this blog, you’ll never feel the need to defend yourself again, either.

Some History

Let me begin by saying, this isn’t anything new. I’ve been hearing comments like these for years:

Guy walks into a bar and says, “What’s a college-educated girl like you doing home babysitting a bunch of kids like them?”

which actually happened once, by the way, in a buffet line.

I get this one all the time:

“What did you do before you had kids?

usually coupled with:

How soon are you going back?”

Thanks for asking.

I admit, I especially appreciate when people are subtle:

“It must be sooooo hard being home all day.”

because it makes it sooooo much easier for me not to feel bad while they’re calling me an idiot for taking care of my kids instead of working a real job.

Honestly, for the first couple of years, those kinds of comments did bother me. Not very much, but just enough to make me question my choices and our lifestyle. It hurt most coming from family and friends, but really anyone could’ve put a dent in my confidence while I was still feeling my awkward way around being a mom and teaching my kids at home. Thankfully, it didn’t take long before I grew even stronger in my resolution and my ability to ignore busy bodies. Which is why now, I am able to deflect obnoxious comments like some kind of female super hero.

My View on Winning

To explain my views on the situation, I’ve created a simple graph:

Understand I’ve been doing the “home” thing a long time, thus my graph represents me looking back after 20+ years of being a homeschool mom versus all the other options. The fact that my kids turned out awesome and ended up saving us hundreds of thousands of dollars in college tuition doesn’t hurt either. Your graph might look a little different, but I’m guessing it’s similar if you’ve made a similar choice.

Please understand, though my graph may look silly, I don’t take this lightly. People don’t call me Dr. Moreau for fun. I really earned all my fancy degrees from a tippy top school, was esteemed by my colleagues, loved by my students, and was earning a lot of money to boot. I had absolute job security plus incredible benefits prior to becoming a mom. None of this is imaginary to me — I know what I gave up by coming home to my kids.

I just really believe that when women choose home (and, better yet, homeschool) over a career, they win. It’s as simple as that. Actually, in my opinion, everybody wins.

I just really believe that when women choose home over a career, they win.

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We moms win because we get to spend time with our precious kiddos, get to custom design our lives, and get to totally impact them like nobody’s business. Our kids win by having full-time supporters and cheerleaders and by turning into these amazing people with so many more chances at living an amazing life than if we hadn’t stayed home. It’s true, check the research. And our partners, if we have them, win too. Because, barring anything weird or unusual, they’re probably glad to have a happy, intact family with incredible kids, too. Score, score, score.

So, what I’m telling you, and why I have never had a single regret, is that those of us staying home get the last laugh. For all the claims that we’re wasting our expensive degrees, losing money or our “only” chance at building a career, we’re seriously getting the better end of the deal.

Those of us staying home get the last laugh…we’re getting the better end of the deal.

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Need more convincing? I’ve got some.

Look at the incredible benefits that might come out of you making that choice, and you being home:

You might get good kids. I mean really, really good kids. The kind who stick around and continue doing life with you and with each other even after they’re grown. The kind of kids who turn into good adults who contribute within their communities, our society and the planet.
You might produce kids with bright futures. Either in college or in careers or both. You might get kids who create things, start businesses, go to college, get good jobs, and earn good salaries. Because they’re good at what they do, because they care, because they’ve got great work ethics, because they know how to work alone, and because people like working with them.
You might get kids who don’t necessarily cost you a lot over the years. Because you either don’t have a lot so they learn to be frugal or creative or resourceful, or because they don’t want/need the same stuff as all the other kids.
You might end up with kids who save you tons of money when they’re teens. Because they build, barter or buy their own stuff, or they earn it themselves. Does free college ring a bell? ‘Cause your kids might get that, too.
You could get kids who are quite healthy. Because, when raised at home, there are plenty of opportunities for clean eating, time and space for movement and activities, and less exposure to every virus and bacteria that can make other people sick. And probably because they’ve been involved in sourcing foods, meal prep and all that goes into feeding themselves and a family. Maybe they know how to grow foods, too.
You yourself can have a life. If it’s a working life you want, you can squeeze that in somewhere. And you can literally have a personal life, an emotional life, a social life, a spiritual life, and physically active life, one without the restrictions imposed by only being home a couple of hours a day, if you want one.
You get a life you design for yourself. Whether in one place, or in many places. Whether quiet or extremely busy. Talk about options! How many people can say that?

The Trade-Off

I could draft a list a mile long of all the benefits of being home. Yet, I can think of only 2 advantages to working outside the home: 1) doing something you love and 2) earning money. And I think we can all agree that most people never get the opportunity to do something they love, so that pretty much only leaves money. Which is no small thing, but only amounts to whatever you might have netted over a period of 15-20 years instead of homeschooling and raising kids.

So, there it is. I’ve given you the trade-off.

Imagine a balance scale if you will. On one side, sits the pile of money you would have earned in 20 years. On the other side, sits a framed photo of your family. Which side is heavier? You decide. The choice can only be made using your own personal list of reasons versus some dollar amount on the opposite side of that scale.

For me, the choice was clear and easy. But, which will you choose? If you’re still here, you’re probably thinking a lot about that family photo.

Perhaps you’re thinking I forgot to mention all the side-effects that come from staying home — the things you’ll lose by interrupting your life temporarily and trying to recreate it later on. That’s where all those oh-so-helpful comments from strangers and family come in. Because they’re implying you could lose your identity, waste a perfectly good education, not get the chance to use all that training, not get to share your gifts with the world, or all of the above. Some might even tell you you’re setting a bad example for your kids (!!) by not going out there and taking the world by storm. Nobody likes a freeloader, and this isn’t the 50’s after all. How dare you not show your kids what it’s like to go out and earn a living?

Well, I’m not here to tell you how to think. But I completely disagree with that logic, because I think it’s easily possible and highly probable than any one of us can jump back into that life any time. Maybe not the exact same life, but a similar life. Or, better yet, some new life we’ve designed for ourselves once our children are grown. A life with a new skill set, new levels of training, and a mature sense of what we really want out of life anyway. I don’t think a brief stint being a mom (and it is brief, when you think about it) signals the end. I don’t for a minute believe that having kids is enough to squash a dream if there’s a dream still there waiting. And as for your kids? After watching you homeschool for 20 years, there’s no way they’re gonna think you’re lazy. No stinking way.

That’s why staying home is the better option. That’s why you’re not making a mistake by choosing the family photo. And that’s why I’m still laughing.

Are you?

Related Articles

Is homeschooling cheaper than government schools?

How do families afford homeschooling?

Working parents homeschool, too!
Dr. Marie-Claire Moreau is a college professor who traded in her tenure to become a homeschool mom 20+ years ago. A homeschooling pioneer and the founder of many groups and organizations, she works to advance home education, and is an outspoken supporter of education reform coast to coast. Her book, Suddenly Homeschooling: A Quick Start Guide to Legally Homeschool in Two Weeks, is industry-acclaimed as it illustrates how homeschooling can rescue children and families from the public school system, and how anyone can begin homeschooling within a limited time-frame, with no teaching background whatsoever. A liaison for regional school-to-home organizations, a homeschool leader, and a women’s life coach, Marie-Claire mentors in a variety of areas that impact health, education and lifestyle. A conference speaker, she has appeared at FPEA, H.E.R.I., Home Education Council of America, The Luminous Mind, Vintage Homeschool Moms, iHomeschool Network, and many other events. Her articles have appeared in and on Holistic Parenting, CONNECT, Homefires, Homemaking Cottage, Kiwi, Circle of Moms, and hundreds of sites and blogs nationwide. Marie-Claire can be reached at contactmarieclaire@gmail.com.

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Feb 05 2016

Saying YES to rest and play (and a challenge!)

If you’re like many women, you cram more than your share of projects and deadlines into every day. With a to-do list a mile long, you move through life focusing on completion, meeting (often ridiculously high) standards, covering all the bases, making sure you never neglect anyone or anything along the way.

You’re focused, hard-working, and forever the person in charge. You have to be, right? There’s a lot to do in your world — things that aren’t going to get done by themselves. That’s why you’ve programmed yourself to step up to the plate. Every time. It’s how you operate, and you’ve been at it for a really long time.

I was that woman once. A list-maker, an achiever, and a chronic over-doer, I was forever the volunteer and the person in charge. My pattern of over-achievement and accomplishment validated my thoughts, my abilities and my goals for myself. On the surface, it felt really good. Others noticed, too. In fact, it was that early programming that helped me achieve much of my early success (read my story to hear how achievement patterns can play a part in early success).

Your focus on production and over-achievement serves you, too. Whether consciously or subconsciously, you’re deriving benefits from your actions and behaviors on some level, too. You see, every pattern you exhibit in life either fulfills a need or validates a belief about yourself. If that weren’t true, you wouldn’t be doing any of it.

Whether consciously or subconsciously, you derive benefits from your actions and behaviors, too.

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The Problem With Doing Too Much

But, there’s a problem with all that. Because, no matter how strangely satisfying certain behaviors can be, over time, those same behaviors can become destructive, too. Chronic over-doing and continual busy-ness are perfect examples of behaviors that serve a purpose now, but have a negative impact later. It doesn’t seem fair, to be honest. Because patterns like that are always useful…that is, until they blind-side us years later, and the damage is already done.

I meet women every day who suffer from doing too much.

Do you know someone like that?

Is it you?

Some women know they’re too busy, and admit their suffering out loud. But, even if they don’t admit it, it’s easy to tell when women are doing too much, because the suffering shows up in their bodies, their voices, or in other areas of their lives.

With me, my early programming ended up affecting my health later on — in a really big way. My eternal busy-ness and focus on completion ended in a musculoskeletal problem and tremendous physical pain. But, chronic over-achievers suffer in lots of other areas, too. Effects show up in finances, emotions, personal and work relationships, and many other areas of the body, and of life. Most of us have met women suffering the effects of doing too much. I meet women like these in my my practice every week.

A Simple Solution

Thankfully, the solution is really, really simple. The answer is down time — however you define that for yourself. I’m talking about doing things that bring pleasure, fun, relaxation or plain old joy. Basically anything besides what you normally do, think about, schedule on a calendar or fret over throughout the day.

Regular time off isn’t a luxury. It’s necessary for a healthy, stress-free life.

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Regular time off (“down time”) isn’t a luxury. It’s actually necessary for a healthy, stress-free life. Riding a bike, listening to birds, reading a book, spending time with a pet, coloring, star gazing, enjoying a night out — these are all ways to prevent illness and injury later in life. They’re crucial to maintaining quality of life. As long as the activity brings pleasure or rest, it’s good. Do it! You need it. Not just once in a while. But, often.

If you were to ask me 10 or 20 years ago when was the last time I just sat around doing nothing, I’d have laughed out loud. You see, I couldn’t recall a time in the last 24 hours (or the last week, or the last month) where I allowed myself time to just sit and be. I remember rolling my eyes when a doctor once asked if I’d ever had time to sit under a tree and read a book. I remember my arrogance after another doctor implied I needed more time to myself. You see, I never used to allow myself the indulgence of time off, for it would destroy my personal production schedule for the day. I laughed at the absurdity of those thoughts, thinking, “Didn’t they realize I had a lot to do?”

I was so wrong.

Looking back at the wisdom of people who counseled, “Go for a walk, watch TV, or take a nap”, I realize I had a lot to learn back then about true success and happiness. I think back to my dear mother’s favorite saying (“Take time out!”) and how my stubbornness didn’t allow me to see past the flurry of activity and endless stream of things on my schedule. If I’d just allowed myself regular time off, there is no doubt in my mind I wouldn’t have developed my illness, nor all the painful symptoms that plagued me for many years.

Say YES to rest and play

Fast forward many years, much research and many experiences and I recognize the tremendous value of down time. Though constant production had its place when I was younger, it also stole parts of my life away. Armed with this information, now I am called to counsel women, spreading this important message. I explain the need for rest and play, the value of self-care, and how omitting this crucial part of life can damage emotions, physical health, relationships and more.

Sometimes, I’m met with resistance. “How can I take time off when I have got so much to do?”, clients will ask. I’m familiar with these excuses, since I used them all myself! Nevertheless, we work to prioritize their lives, eliminate distractions and time-sucking activities, rework their schedules, and find the time they need for the rest or play they so deserve.

The 7-Day Challenge

I haven’t convinced you yet? Again, I understand. But, let me ask you this: Would you be willing to try to rest or play for a week? Just a little? Just for a week?

I’m challenging you to take back your life. I’m challenging you to take a little time for yourself — each day, for a mere 7 days. Because, after a week, I think you’ll begin to understand what I’ve been talking about. After a week, I think you’ll see that a little down time is well worth the investment in your future.

Leave a COMMENT and let me know if you’ll accept this challenge. You can also let my readers know how you’re planning to work some time off into your busy day. If you need help, post that, too! I’d love to be able to help you find the time off you need for a healthy life!

Don’t forget to come back and POST YOUR RESULTS, either — we can all cheer together!

Much love,

Jun 27 2014

A letter to new homeschool moms

Dear Mamma,

Welcome to homeschooling!

I know you just got here, but I wanted to make sure somebody stood up and waved, welcomed you aboard and said, “I’m glad you’re here!”

You are just getting started, and maybe you have questions. You’re excited. Probably a little nervous. Maybe worried, too.

You want your kids to do well. You want them to be normal. You wonder if you’ll measure up as a teacher, too.

I remember those feelings. Everyone has them. I’m just glad we are having the chance to meet, so I can tell you how normal you are.

When I first started, one of the first things I remember is the other moms. I called around, asked questions, and one day showed up in the park where they were meeting. I met moms who were very in control and moms that were very relaxed. I met moms that were planning every single hour of every day, and moms who seemed to take every day at a time, never quite knowing what they and their children would be doing next.

Though I didn’t see any moms exactly like me, those meetings put me at ease, and I knew I would eventually find a place either among them, or some similar group nearby.

I hope you’ve met moms like these, too. If not, I hope you find some soon.

When I first started, I remember hearing so many different things — all at once. Terms I had never even heard of. Products I had no idea where to find. Names of books, courses, and other people. I tried to soak it up (taking notes, cause that’s my style) and research them all. I knew I could do it, but it was a lot to take in all at once.

Has that happened to you? If it hasn’t, get ready…it might.

How are things going?

Are you handling it all okay?

Are you firm in your decision to homeschool, or still thinking?

Have you begun the research and the reading, or are you still looking for information to help get started?

We have never met, and maybe never will. But I feel as if I know you, because you’re a lot like I was.

I feel like I know you, because you are me so many years ago.

I feel like I know you, because I have met hundreds (thousands?) of moms just like you over the last 20+ years.

We haven’t met, and maybe never will. But I feel as if I know you, because you are a lot like other moms I have met before.

In the world of homeschooling (or really, in the world of parenting) we’re all so different, yet still so very much alike. We love our kids and want to do the best we can. We’re busy in the present while worrying about the future. We’re handling details of today and planning for tomorrow. Somehow, we do it. It’s noble work, but not easy. Not by a long-shot.

So, welcome! I’m glad you’re here.

It may take time, but you’ll do fine. I know, because I did. You will, too.

But, if you need me, I’m here. I can work with you to select courses, choose products, plan schedules, find resources and meet other people. Let me know how I can help. (Click here to get help.)

Happy homeschooling!