{Day 9} If Mom’s the Teacher, What is Dad’s Role Exactly?
{For an overview of all 31 Days of Homeschooling click HERE.}
No doubt the role of dad varies household to household. Whether homeschooling or not, fathers obviously wear many different hats.
A difference in homeschooling households is that moms are usually the primary teaching parent. Research tells us homeschools are most often directed by moms, and dads are most often the primary wage-earners. Though homeschooling works in other situations (dad as primary, single parent, grandparent homeschooling), we can assume moms are acting as Principal, guidance counselor, coordinator, or another title she assigns herself.
In my observation and interacting with many families, it appears a homeschool dad’s role varies by number of children, homeschool method put in place, activities that are being used, demands of his schedule, his interests and talents, and the needs of particular children during any given year. Some dads clearly play a larger role than others, and individual families all decide what works best for them.
In my work, I talk to many dads. Each has his own story to tell, some by not saying anything at all.
From their stories, I’ve had some fun extrapolating several of the different roles dads take on in the homeschool household. My list is by no means exhaustive, but designed to give you an idea of some of the roles dads take on in other families.
Type of Homeschool Dads
Dad as Chief Supporter and Cheerleader: Acts as an encourager and enthusiast, without really being involved in the daily teaching.
Dad as Chauffer: Provides transportation to and from activities, both to help and enjoy time the children, and to give mom time to spend on other things.
Dad as Spiritual Leader: May be a pastor, or acts as teacher, guide or mentor for topics in theology or philosophy, could be bible study leader, or plays another spiritual role.
Dad as Sports Coach or Social Director: Volunteers as soccer or gymnastics coach, acts as playground dad, takes children to local activities or organizes play-dates for his children.
Dad as Teacher for Special Topics: Teaches topics according to his expertise, perhaps woodworking, hands-on science labs, landscaping, coding, foreign language, mathematics, or by simply injecting learning wherever he can.
Dad as Financier: Self-explanatory.
Dad as Disciplinarian/Enforcer: Supports mom when she needs it, and steps in as necessary to keep homeschool efforts on track and running smoothly.
Dad as a Reference Guide, Detective or Fact-Checker: Available for special assignments, like conducting advanced research, looking up words, securing special resources, or anything mom or the children do not always have the time or background to do on their own.
Dad as Observer: Watches/listens to school-related presentations, may be read to, may supervise, and the like.
Dad as Dictator: Not always a huge supporter of homeschooling, but willing to participate as long as test results show the children are learning as well as other children their age.
In addition to these roles, dads have also shared with me that a large part of being a homeschool dad is recognizing how much responsibility is placed on their wives during the homeschool years. Just sharing in the joys of homeschooling and recognizing individual children for their accomplishments is not enough, they say. Understanding the tremendous task their wives have undertaken, the number of things she juggles throughout the day, and the challenges she faces from time to time goes a long way toward offering support. Lending a hand, sometimes entirely taking over the care of the children every so often, is even better.
Thus, a father’s role in homeschooling is changeable and varied.
In our home, my husband refers to his role as, “Backup Support”. Though I really like this term, it really includes much more than it sounds like! He does many of the things listed above, either one at a time or in combination, depending on his work schedule at the time. On the other hand, I refer to my husband’s role as “Chief Supporter, Reference Librarian, Electives Teacher and Table Etiquette Enforcer”! But, no matter what terms we use, it works perfectly for us. The same will be true for you, as well.
Further reading:
Stress on Marriage During Homeschooling
What to do when a spouse doesn’t want to homeschool
Different parents, different styles
Dr. Marie-Claire Moreau is a college professor who traded in her tenure to become a homeschool mom 20+ years ago. A homeschool pioneer and the founder of many groups and organizations, she works to advance home education, and is an outspoken supporter of education reform coast to coast. Her book, Suddenly Homeschooling: A Quick Start Guide to Legally Homeschool in Two Weeks, is industry-acclaimed for illustrating how homeschooling can rescue children and families from the public school system, and how anyone can begin homeschooling within a limited time-frame, with no teaching background whatsoever. A writer, a homeschool leader, and a women’s life coach, Marie-Claire mentors in a variety of areas that impact health, education and lifestyle. A conference speaker, she has appeared at FPEA, H.E.R.I., Home Education Council of America, The Luminous Mind, Vintage Homeschool Moms, iHomeschool Network, and many other events. Her articles have appeared in and on Holistic Parenting, CONNECT,Homefires, Homemaking Cottage, Kiwi, Circle of Moms, and hundreds of sites and blogs nationwide. Marie-Claire can be reached at contactmarieclaire@gmail.com.
Dad says
I have to disagree with the “Dad as Dictator” designation. Sounds more like “Mom as Dictator” when Dad has no say in the curriculum and just goes along to get along.