Dr. Marie-Claire Moreau

Educator, Coach, Life Strategist

From rigid to relaxed

Among new homeschool parents, there is often a tendency to want to do everything “right”.  Fearing the consequences (i.e., ruining the children), moms and dads may spend many hours on book selection, lesson planning, record-keeping, grading papers, plus any number of other activities needed to homeschool “right”.

The newness of the situation can cause worry and stress.  They wonder if things will all turn out alright.

Talk to parents who have been homeschooling for a while, however, and you’ll hear a different kind of story.  That’s because, while experienced families do the same things that new families do, they worry less than when they first started.

More years of experience earns parents a greater sense of confidence. And that confidence translates into a lot less worry and stress than they initially felt at first.

Take a look at these comparisons.  See the difference a few years of homeschooling can make?

New homeschoolers may worry that…

…we didn’t finish everything we planned today.

…we may have forgotten something important.

…lessons could “bomb” or experiments might fail.

…a bad day of school means we are bad homeschoolers.

…our homeschool isn’t perfect.

But experienced homeschoolers know that…

…anything not completed today will get finished tomorrow.

…our kids will probably learn that on their own anyhow.

…even though one doesn’t work, the others will probably work fine.

…one bad day doesn’t matter, when other days are all pretty good.

…our homeschool is good enough for us.

So, the next time you’re worried about homeschooling, take heart in knowing that one day you’ll be more confident, too.  It doesn’t take long for new homeschoolers to move from rigid to relaxed.

I promise — it will happen to you, too!

Marie-Claire Moreau, Quick Start Homeschool

 

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Support throughout the years

New homeschoolers sometimes describe the learning curve as steep.  There can be legal jargon to figure out and curriculum decisions to be made, juggling multiple children and attending activities outside of the house, keeping a home and maybe even holding down a full- or part-time job to boot.  And though newbies have very little time to devote to support, it can actually be what they need the most at the very beginning.

Once families get rolling, support needs can begin to change.  Curriculum choices may be questioned or suggestions for scheduling the school day could be needed.  Record-keeping systems, that may not have existed prior, may need to be developed.  Families may decide that they need additional experiences to fill in the blanks left at home.  Maybe students begin looking for other homeschoolers to study with or just to hang out. Students who struggle in certain areas may require help, or their parents some guidance.  There are dozens of other areas where outside support can be helpful during these early years.

Some years into it, when homeschooling reaches a fairly comfortable level, support needs may begin to change again.  Homeschooling older children with younger siblings around could become a challenge.  Teaching multiple children the same age, or schooling several children together might be an issue.  Sometimes, approaching middle- or high school concerns or perplexes parents.  Others just want to learn more about grading, calculating course credits, or finding college classes of volunteer work for their teens.  Or perhaps the questions are about allowing students to focus on their skills and passions while still covering the basic core.

The good news is that there are many levels of homeschooling support — one to match every stage of homeschool growth and almost every imaginable need.  While larger state or national groups can be helpful initially for obtaining legal information and basic homeschool requirements, smaller local support groups may play a larger role later on.  Focused groups, such as ones comprised only of families with teens or just for families who use a certain method, can be helpful down the road.  So can resource groups for those of students with specific challenges or parents who must work full- or part-time.  Lifelines, whether they be via telephone, email, online discussion groups or physical meetings, extend all across the nation for homeschooling families of every kind.  The choices are there, just ready for families to draw from whatever resource pools exist or to partake in whichever activities are available.

And though there are many families who operate very successfully with no support at all, the truth is that most homeschoolers appreciate at least having some level of support available, in case they ever need it.  Just knowing that these individuals and groups are there — should the need ever arise – can be comforting all by itself.  Having the ability to ask questions, hear from experienced families who have done similar things before, and stay connected to people, places and resources, is even better.

 

Where the homeschoolers are

When first starting out, one of the things that new homeschoolers want to know is where to find other families like them.  Another time this appears to be more important is during the ‘tween and teen years, when parents again begin looking for ways for their children to hang out with other kids.

Finding other homeschoolers can be easy, once you put up your homeschool “radar”.  Give it a little time, and you’ll begin to notice homeschoolers all over town.

For starters, though many homeschoolers adhere to a morning-into-early-afternoon school schedule at home, there are plenty of families that get out during those hours, too.  That means that at least some of the folks you see around town during regular school hours are going to be homeschoolers.  Particularly if they have a gaggle of children with them.  Or even just one or two children.  Start getting out a little bit more during the day, and chances are you’ll bump in to some of these homeschooling families soon.

Next, figure out where homeschoolers are likely to hang out in your area.  This will naturally depend on the size of your locale and the availability of educational resources, but some of places to check out are libraries, community centers, zoos, museums, parks, church rooms, centers for research and information, plus any other places in town that it would seem might be tempting for these families to go.

Finally, when visiting places of interest, ask someone who is likely to know where the homeschoolers are.  Talking to a museum curator, reference librarian, or a youth group leader can easily yield the name of an area homeschooler who is active at that location.  Even better, you might even score information about classes and other opportunities for your own homeschoolers there, too.

Like anything else, spotting other homeschooling families may take a little practice.  For modern homeschoolers, this is compounded because today’s homeschoolers can look very much like every other family on the block – despite the myth that homeschoolers stand out or all look alike.  But by raising your awareness and noticing families out and about your town, finding other homeschoolers will eventually become easy as pie.

Feeling overwhelmed? Try these rescue strategies!

As if their plates weren’t already full enough, millions of Americans have also decided to add a large helping of homeschooling onto their dinner plates as well.  What was just an ordinary busy life can — for some – become an extraordinarily overwhelming life, complete with the additional duties of schooling and being home all day, not to mention the scary feeling of being responsible for it all.

But homeschooling doesn’t have to feel this way.  And — it shouldn’t!

The homeschooling life can be a joy and should never be something families dread.  If it becomes a chore or something much worse, changes absolutely need to be made.

Heed these instructions and see if they don’t make a quick and very positive impact on your feelings toward homeschooling.  The joy CAN return after these 3 simple steps:

1. Take a break.  First and foremost, stop everything!  Take a day off, a mini-vacation or field trip, “veg out” with television and some good books, or do whatever it takes to stop thinking about homeschooling for a little bit — a day, a week, or even two if it takes that long.  Breathe. Do something fun. Stepping back for a little bit will allow you to look at homeschooling much more objectively in a couple of days.

2. Find support.  If you haven’t already, now would be the time to seek out others like you.  Get online, make some calls, hang out at the park or library in the mornings, or anything you can do to meet other moms and dads you can talk to.  It’s amazing how much better you’ll feel after hearing that you aren’t alone, and that others have experienced the very same thing at one time or another.

3. Make some changes.  In your homeschool.  Or in your life.  In expectations, in curriculum, in scheduling, in activites, or in anything else.  Just make a change.  You can’t expect anything to be different if you keep doing the same thing over and over again.  Once you begin homeschooling again, by all means, switch things up.  Begin gradually. Drop a subject or two. Change from a book to an online program. School later in the day. Let your child pick what she wants to do a couple of times a week.  Sit outside instead of inside. Whatever it takes — just make a change. And if that one doesn’t work, make another. And another. Until things feel better.

Lastly, by all means, don’t give up!  Trying these simple rescue strategies are guaranteed to make positive changes — if not save your homeschooling entirely.  And please take a moment to read this post about giving up too soon.

Different parents, different styles

HIM: Nice, hon…when did you put silk flowers in the bathroom?

HER: Um, about 12 years ago.

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HER: So, who’s playing in the Super Bowl next year?

HIM: Um, well they don’t know that yet.  It depends on next season and the playoffs……….

——————————————————————–

Men and women are obviously very different.  They communicate differently, can have vastly different interests and pay attention to different kinds of things. It doesn’t take an expert to realize that these differences can sometimes carry over into the family homeschooling arena.

Is there a right way and a wrong way to homeschool children? Certainly not.  Are women better than men at it?  I didn’t say that, either.

But different parents do other things differently, so it’s natural to assume that each will put his or her own unique spin on homeschooling, too. 

Since homeschooling households tend to be made up of moms shouldering most of the responsibility for educating the children and dads off at a job, keeping the family financially afloat, moms usually do most of the schooling themselves.  It isn’t always the case, and this isn’t meant to sound 1950’s or sexist or anything else; it’s just that large national research studies have shown that it is pretty typical.

But dads can help with homeschooling, too.  In fact, most do. It all depends — some do a little and some do a lot.  Different dads do different things, each adding his own spin to whatever it happens to be.  Some dads take over parts of the academics. Some do the sports. Some handle the driver’s training. Some the nighttime story-telling.  Others just pitch in where they’re needed. And on and on.

Dad’s involvement all depends on the patterns that have been established in the home.  It’s very much like household chores, yardwork, shuttling children to and from activities, and everything else.  Different dads do different things — each in his own way.

Lest you feel this is confusing to children, rest assured, it isn’t.  Just as children adapt to both parents doing other things, they adapt easily to different parents in the homeschool, too.  Like anything else, kids learn early on that mom does things her way, and dad his.

And overall, this all works out quite well.

Except when it doesn’t.

Like when mom insists that dad does it her way.  Or when the kids decide to inform dad that mom doesn’t do it that way, either.  Or when dad suggests  that mom isn’t doing something quite right.  Or when dad introduces the kids to a different way of doing whatever-it-is, and upsets the apple cart just a little bit (or maybe even a lot).

And that’s when things can begin to get a little dicey…but they don’t have to.

Though it can be hard to resist butting-in at time, it is important for both parents to give one another credit for what they do in homeschool.  Just because one does it differently than the other, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s wrong.   And just because parents don’t do things exactly the same, it won’t necessarily confuse the children, immediately undo everything they’ve learned so far or make the kids stupid for the rest of their lives.

Can parents suggest to one another what might work best? Sure!  Can they discuss the kids and the different kinds of things they’re doing in homeschool?  Of course!

But, parents also need to accept that each will always add his or her own bias to their interpretation of the facts, each will always have his or her own ideas about a particular subject and each will always (whether consciously or not) add his or her own personal twist to doing homeschool with the kids.

And no matter who teaches what, or how, the kids will still be ok. 

I’d like to leave you with a funny saying about fishing — perhaps you’ve heard this one:

A bad day of fishing is better than a good day at the office.

Applied to homeschooling, it might read like this:

No matter who does the schooling, or how, it is probably still better than the alternatives.

Just as moms and dads can have different parenting styles, they can also have different homeschooling styles.  And it’s really okay.  And the kids are going to do great.