Dr. Marie-Claire Moreau

Educator, Coach, Life Strategist

Homeschool moms

homeschool moms

I remember going to my first homeschooling conference more years ago than I am willing to admit.  As my rolling duffels and I waddled awkwardly across the hotel lobby, I couldn’t help but notice the swarms of impeccably dressed women sipping white wines and expensive coffees in the nearby lounge.  Each had hair directly out of the salon and purses that I imagined must have cost more than my car.  Some carried leather totes too, while others pulled croc or tapestry or signature valises.  Many had canvas bags with girly-logos, eye-lash trim, toile and tassels.

So these were the homeschool moms.

Fast forward a few minutes later as I entered the exhibit hall.  There, I saw women in pony-tails, no makeup, in comfortable shoes.  I saw women holding 3, 4 and 5 hands at once.  There were women in nursing bras badly hidden under roomy t-shirts, and some wearing children both front and back. I saw women with gray hairs, women in scarves, women with too-short bangs [self-inflicted hair cuts], and women with hair to the ground.

I saw women juggling teacher carts and baby strollers at the same time, often with a potty or a lunch cooler inside one.  These were women with a purpose, women with focus, women on a mission, women who exuded confidence and determination with every step.

But they were also women with eyes all around their heads it seemed, because they never seemed to lose sight of the many little people toddling all around them. And they did it with ease, with grace, gliding up and down the aisles effortlessly because it seemed the most natural thing in the world.

I saw women like me there, too.  Differently dressed, slightly better coiffed, and there with fewer children and sometimes with no children at all.  And though they stood out just a little bit more than the rest (as I thought I did), these other women still gave off the same vibe as the others…something that cannot be put into words — something you can only experience for yourself.

There were men there, too.  Husbands and fathers I assumed.  Some looked almost too young to be fathers (big brothers?) and some old enough to look like grandfathers.  The homeschooling dads.  Neat, quiet, and responsible, controlled.  But it was really the women I watched because their peacefulness put me very much at ease.  I felt a warmth, a gentleness, a sense of calm radiating in their aura as I walked in their wake.

And I felt very much at home.

So these were the homeschooling moms.

And even though my Northeastern college professor self may have looked a bit more like the women in the lobby, I felt much more comfortable with the women in the exhibit hall.

And I was relieved by that.

Homeschool moms can do that to you.

That was a long time ago.  Times have changed.  Homeschooling has changed.  And many of the moms have changed, too.

But I still like them best.

 

Dr. Marie-Claire Moreau, Quick Start Homeschool

 

 

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Competitive homeschooling

“I am so proud of my little Johnny – he finished his Latin program today.”

“Oh, we finished Latin years ago.  Our Susie spent the last two years learning to speak Chinese and Swahili.”

“Since he has some free time now, I am thinking about enrolling him in an art class.”

“Oh, I forgot to tell you that Susie sold her first painting!”

“Maybe a sport.  Do you know of a tennis program for kids?”

“Not locally, but I drive 4 hours to get Susie to private lessons.  Her coach says she’ll go all the way to the top – you know she earned three trophies already, right?”

“I also need to look at a new science curriculum for next year.  Are you going to the convention?”

“Oh no, I don’t need a convention. Susie already won the science fair four years in a row and got the highest score on the district’s standardized test.”

“I just want to be sure I am doing everything right.”

“I am sure you are.  As for me, if I keep going at this pace, Susie will graduate by the time she is 16 and become a doctor before her 21st birthday.”

Homeschooling moms and dads love to talk shop with other homeschooling parents.  It can be very helpful to share product and curriculum information and generally hear how other families do things.

There is a problem, though, when one parent always seems to try to top the other.  This may be inadvertent, or could be intentional.  Either way, it doesn’t do much in the way of supporting the other parent.

Support is supposed to be a two-way exchange.  One parent may need more support than the other at times.  Over time, however, the tables are usually turned, giving the first parent the opportunity to offer something in return.  In homeschooling, or anywhere else, support is traditionally a system of give-and-take.

At least that is how it is supposed to work.

To the givers of advice, that is those who tend to be very enthusiastic about sharing everything they do, I offer this suggestion.  When offering homeschooling advice, particularly to new families who are just getting their feet wet, start out slowly.  Offer tidbits of information and little snapshots of what you do at home, rather than divulging everything all at once.  Going over-board with too much information or continually talking about ones own children can make others feel inadequate.  Worse, it can sometimes backfire by intimidating the other parent into feeling that they are unable to homeschool at all – the opposite effect of what real support ought to do.

And to the receivers of this advice, I want you to know that this is not a particularly widespread problem.  Actually, most homeschooling parents go very much out of their way to make new families feel welcome and exceedingly comfortable.  However, you’ll sometimes meet a very competitive parent or group of families that make you uncomfortable in the ways I have described.

If this happens, I suggest finding a better friend, another group, and an overall better support system.  Because there are so many kinds of support (physical, telephone, online), this shouldn’t be very hard to do.

Do not allow others to make you feel as though you aren’t doing enough, or aren’t doing things correctly in your homeschool.  Every family is different and everything won’t work for everybody anyway.  Trying to be something you’re not will not work and can result in completely the wrong fit for your family.

Down time

I recently met a mom who told me about her children and their homeschooling.  She reported that, “all of their waking hours” were spent doing book work.   It was her belief that the children should be at the table completing schoolwork all day long.  I saw the dining room table and, in fact, it appears that is what they did.

Because homeschooling is all about what parents deem best for their own kids, you can think what you want, but in the end, it is up to each family to do what they do.

In comparison, in my home, I always tried to make sure that my children had adequate “down time”.  While we had (and still have) a very rigorous homeschooling schedule, I made sure to schedule time off on a regular basis.

As someone who needs  time to myself, I suppose it was instinctive to make sure that my children had time off as well.  (Now, we know that the literature says that children need personal space and time for play, too.)  In fact, as they were growing up, I tried to enforce an informal rule that I established about leaving the house for activities – that is, one busy day out meant that the next day was spent quietly at home.  This worked well for me, as I was always able to get things done at home on alternate days.  Plus, my children had time to read, play, go outside, or whatever it is they were unable to do on days that we spent driving and schooling all over town in the van.

While this may not work for everyone, it is just what I did.  Other families may adopt different schedules and create time off in other ways.  It’s just something to think about.

During down time, children do many things.  Homeschooled kids in particular seem to find many clever uses for their time.  It isn’t always about watching televison and playing video games, although that happens (in my home) too.  But it is often about other things, as well.

For example, when my children have time off they sometimes do things like this:

They also like to do this:

Sometimes, they try this:

And other times, they do this:

And even this:

I don’t consider this time wasted.  In fact, if this kind of thing occurs in your home, you may in all good conscience award homeschooling hours for these kinds of activities.  I do.

Now, it’s my turn to ask…Do your children have down time on school days? If so, what do they like to during time off?