I was speaking before a group of would-be homeschool parents in someone’s living room a while back. It was an educated group, impressively well-informed as to the pros and cons of home education. I got the sense there had been quite a bit of research and discussion prior to our getting together. They fired at me one outstanding question after another during the Q&A. I was honored to serve these folks as they considered making important decisions on behalf of their children.

Now, I don’t normally tattle off the playground, but I’d like to use part of my experience that day as a teaching moment. No judgement of any kind, but there was a question that made me want to write this for you.

One of the parents asked a question about homeschoolers and communication skills.

“Do they know how to communicate?”, he asked. Another parent voiced something similar, saying, “How do they actually learn to talk with other people?” Before I even opened my mouth, I totally felt the vibration of the room changing. The thought of homeschoolers being disadvantaged in this way started spreading around the room like a bad stink.

I paused for a second, thinking how to finesse my reply while wondering where their information could have come from. Was there some news article I’d missed? Some research I didn’t know about? Maybe it came from listening to one too many public school advocates. Perhaps they’d encountered a painfully timid child…who’d been homeschooled?

To be honest, I also didn’t see that question coming. I’ve spent a fair amount of time dispelling the socialization myth, and I’m well acquainted with the homeschoolers-are-weird stories, too. But, homeschoolers unable to communicate? This was new to me. It felt like one of those my-word-against-yours moments, the kind nobody ever wins. This was clearly something concerning these parents, but I was feeling like their experiences might be hard to undo.

I decided to start with my standard research schpiel: top scorers in testing, top finishers in college, top, top, top, numbers, numbers, numbers. I continued with some homeschoolers-now-adults stories: happily employed, active voters, community service, good people, good people, good people. And I ended with the world of opportunities allowing homeschoolers to interact with all kinds of people, of all ages, in all corners of the wide, wide world. Surely people would need reasonable communication skills to do all of that, I reasoned.

I could tell they weren’t entirely convinced. A retired teacher said she’d met homeschoolers who were very, very shy. Another person said she’d met a homeschooled child who looked down when he spoke, muttering indistinctly.

I decided to go in a different direction. I deployed an argument in support of human differences, child development and basic logic. I ended up saying something along the lines of what you see below. The parents understood what I was thinking completely, and everyone seemed a lot more comfortable by the end of the meeting.

I’ve outlined my feelings about homeschoolers and communication skills, below. You’re more than welcome to use my notes if you ever need to discuss this yourself.

I began:

• Homeschooled kids are just kids
• All kids are different
• Some kids are more timid and some kids are more outgoing
• Some kids are better communicators than others
• But, being homeschooled isn’t going to fundamentally change who the child is

Similarly,

• Public school kids are just kids, too
• All kids are all different
• Some kids are more timid and some kids are more outgoing
• Some kids are better communicators than others
• But, going to public school isn’t going to fundamentally change who the child is

I continued:

• Can communication skills be improved?
• Probably
• Can they be modeled, taught and practiced at home?
• Certainly
• What about in school?
• Of course

I asked:

• Do public school kids get called out for being themselves?
• Why is anyone concerned when homeschooled kids act like themselves?

I ended:

• There are all kinds of communicators
• It’s not about the kind of school a child attends, or doesn’t
• It’s about a child’s basic personality and some combination of training and practice

Do you agree?

I’ve learned I have to be direct when things are this important. The truth is, and what I hope I emphasized enough to these parents, homeschoolers are actually exceptional communicators. I’ve worked with students across all educational platforms for many years, and though there are great communicators everywhere, hands-down, the best ones are always the homeschoolers. I’m talking mature, confident, articulate students coming out of the homeschool community. Outstanding presenters, debaters, writers, and story-tellers, too.

Listen, I’m not trying to be harsh or unfair. But, ask teachers with formerly homeschooled students in their classrooms and see what they say. Ask college professors to comment on the homeschool graduates in their sections. Ask employers and other professionals what they think. Read the research about homeschoolers outscoring others on the SAT writing portion, too. I’m not making this up — this is definitely a place where homeschoolers have the chance to excel — and they do.

If you think about it, it makes sense that homeschool flexibility and freedom could result in extra time to spend mastering these skills. It also makes sense when you think about the range of people and activities experienced by a typical homeschooled child today. Don’t forget the supportive environment in which children may express themselves without fear of judgement. Why wouldn’t homeschooled kids grow to be confident speakers, skilled writers and comfortable with the English language?

There’s an area for discussion below this post. Have you encountered similar claims about homeschooled students lacking communication skills, and how have you responded? I’d love to hear from you.

Want to know where else homeschoolers shine?

How important is writing for high schoolers going on to college?

Dr. Marie-Claire Moreau is a college professor who traded in her tenure to become a homeschool mom 20+ years ago.  A homeschooling pioneer and the founder of many groups and organizations, she works to advance home education, and is an outspoken supporter of education reform coast to coast.  Her book, Suddenly Homeschooling: A Quick Start Guide to Legally Homeschool in Two Weeks, is industry-acclaimed as it illustrates how homeschooling can rescue children and families from the public school system, and how anyone can begin homeschooling within a limited time-frame, with no teaching background whatsoever.  A writer, a homeschool leader, and a women’s life coach, Marie-Claire mentors in a variety of areas that impact health, education and lifestyle. A conference speaker, she has appeared at FPEA, H.E.R.I., Home Education Council of America, The Luminous Mind, Vintage Homeschool Moms, iHomeschool Network, and many other events. Her articles have appeared in and on Holistic Parenting, CONNECT,Homefires, Homemaking Cottage, Kiwi, Circle of Moms, and hundreds of sites and blogs nationwide.  Marie-Claire can be reached at contactmarieclaire@gmail.com.