relaxed Archives - Page 2 of 7 - Dr. Marie-Claire Moreau

Feb 05 2016

Saying YES to rest and play (and a challenge!)

If you’re like most women, you cram more than your share of projects and deadlines into every day. With a list a mile long, you live life focused on completion, meeting (ridiculously high) standards, covering all the bases, and making sure you never neglect anyone or anything along the way.

You’re focused, hard-working, and forever the person in charge. You step up to the plate. Every. Single. Time.

You have to, amiright? That stuff won’t get done by itself.

Listen, I understand. I was that woman, too. Forever the list-maker, the achiever, the over-doer, I was always the volunteer and person in charge. I loved it. On the surface, it actually felt really, really good. In fact I wouldn’t have experienced much of my early success without those early behaviors. Chances are, your focus on production and over-achievement probably serves you well, too.

But The Problem

While chronic busy-ness serves a useful purpose, it doesn’t come without a heavy price. We’re talking sleep, weight, relationships, happiness, and all of it.

You know what I’m talking about.

I meet women every day who do way too much.

Do you?

Perhaps you know you’re too busy and admit your suffering out loud. Or, maybe you don’t know it, but your busy-ness shows up in the form of sickness or pain. I meet high-achieving women going through all kinds of things in my my practice every week.

A Simple Solution

There is a solution, and it’s a lot simpler than you might think.

It’s down time— however you define that for yourself.

Down time refers to time for yourself, doing things that bring pleasure. This isn’t a luxury, by the way. It’s necessary for a healthy, stress-free life.

Regular time off isn’t a luxury. It’s necessary for a healthy, stress-free life.

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If you were to ask me 10 or 20 years ago when was the last time I sat around doing nothing, I’d have laughed at you out loud. Back then, I couldn’t even recall a time when I allowed myself time to just sit and be. I believed it was a huge weakness to goof off, so I never allowed myself the indulgence, for it would destroy my production for the whole day.

Boy, was I wrong.

Looking back at the wisdom of people who counseled, “Go for a walk, read a book, or take a nap”, I see now that I had a lot to learn about health and happiness. My lack of this kind of awareness didn’t allow me to see past the flurry of activity and endless stream of things on my schedule.

If I’d allowed myself regular time off, I wouldn’t have developed my illness, nor the painful symptoms that plagued me for many years.

Say YES to rest and play

Fast forward many years, much research, and many experiences and I see the things that stole big chunks of my life away. I am now called to counsel women and spread the important message about the value of self-care.

Often, I’m met with resistance — those familiar excuses I used for many years, too. Despite them, we work together on prioritizing, eliminating distractions, and discarding time-sucking activities. We rework schedules and find blocks of necessary time for the rest and peace they so richly deserve. Plus, I teach how to accept self-care without guilt, otherwise it isn’t self-care at all.

The 7-Day Challenge

Ready to try something better in your life?

Will you commit to making time for rest & play daily for a week?

I’d like to see you take an hour daily, for one week. But, if you can’t, 30 minutes will do.

You can keep a journal about how you feel if that’s your jazz. Or, just reflect on the experience before you go to bed at night to notice if you feel any different.

If, after a week, you don’t feel the challenge has been worth it, I understand…it just might not be your time to receive this message. But, if you’ve enjoyed it, keep going. You’ll grow in knowing the importance of down time for your mind, body and spirit.

To your evolution,

As a coach, writer, recovered over-doer and busyness addict, I understand the challenges of creating a balanced, healthy lifestyle while the mind tries to sabotage your success. In my journey to vibrant health, I created a personalized health system of nutrition and supplementation, lifestyle changes, and I retrained my mind and the energy of my body. I view my success as the formula to my happy, healthy life. I now empower other women to create their own personalized formulas, including the tools and strategies just right for them! Amazing life shifts come from our relationships. I look forward to helping you, too!.

Dec 31 2015

Daily practice: 5 things to do before getting out of bed

I should probably tell you I’m writing this on the eve of a new year. This is always a serious day, isn’t it? Though it can be filled with fun and anticipation — maybe sparkling plans for the evening – it’s also a solemn time, too. Most use it as a time of reflection and resolve for the new year to come, right? If you check your news feeds, I’m sure they’re ripe with advice and counsel, full of quotes and inspiration, lists and schedules, plus offers of programs and products to help tackle your new year.

I’m just here with one simple goal — to provide you something easy you can do every day. My offer is completely customizable to your life, your goals, your capabilities, and the new year you’re trying to create, too. It’s yours and yours to keep — my gift to you as it were (but, really, this is a gift you give yourself).

If you’re like a lot of people, you use this day to reflect on the year that passed. Maybe there was a new baby, a promotion, or a wonderful vacation; so you’re happy about that. But, a lot of what you remember can make you melancholy, negative, or full of sorrow, too. You review events and people, those who entered your life and under what circumstances, and the stories about those who departed the Earth. You think of places you went and places you wished you’d seen, but did not. You think of developing illnesses, persistent or puzzling situations, and unresolved problems that will follow you into the new year. Perhaps you remember goals met, but mainly you think about those that failed, and how you failed, too.

On some level, I think we all do that. I know I used to. We all want what’s coming to be better than what just happened.

We all want what’s coming to be better than what just happened.

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I think many of us dwell on sadness, the grief, or the bad. This makes it hard to look forward to a new day or a new year. For all it’s worries, problems and regrets, we become attached to the bad, making it hard for us to let yesterday go. For all the failures and how we feel about them, it makes letting go of last year much harder, too. Not consciously, friends, but emotionally.

It came to me recently that many of us create a story on the eve of every new day. We recite our story when falling asleep. The story tells us:

I failed today, so I need to do better tomorrow.

By the end of the year, we’ve written a longer story. It’s the one we recite on the eve of a new year:

This year was really bad, so next year had better be really great to make up for it.

Such a bummer, right? And, talk about pressure for the new year!

How would it be if you could begin to turn that around? What would it look like if you could look forward to every new day? Can you imagine how life would change if you anticipate the gifts of every new year?

Try the daily practice I use every morning. This simple strategy will change your new year (and could quite possibly change your whole life).

Begin by breathing and finding your roots into the ground. Smile and feel grateful. Instead of hitting the floor in a rush and panic over everything waiting on your calendar, remind yourself how grateful you are for the lessons of yesterday. Forgive (remember when Maya Angelou said, “When you know better, you’ll do better”?). Then, cultivate a rising sense curiosity over what the new day will contribute to your life, and get ready to enjoy the ride.

I do this practice daily myself. I also sometimes do it throughout the day. My favorite part is to set an intention to fully notice and participate in my day. I fill myself with a sense of excitement and eagerness about what may happen. And, by the time I get out of bed, I honestly look forward to going along for the ride.

After doing this for a while, it should come more and more naturally. Whereas I used to rise with some confusion as to how my day might go, I now wake with great curiosity over what’s to come. I’m happy with whatever happened the day before, and I literally cannot wait to see what the new day will show me. For those worried about excellence and productivity, you should know that you’ll still rise with plans to make and goals to meet, but you’ll have a different level of energy and eagerness than you did before.

In a nutshell, this daily practice has taught me that each day doesn’t happen to me, it happens for me, for my learning, and for my life evolution. It’s exciting!

Instead of each day happening TO YOU, notice that each day is happening FOR YOU.

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If you already have a daily practice, add this into it. If you don’t already have a practice, this might be just the one you’re looking for. Let me know either way — I look forward to hearing about your practice in the COMMENTS, below.

With much love,

Sep 12 2015

Grab some “me time” today. And every day.

Homeschoolers don’t always see eye to eye, but there is one thing we all agree on — spending time with our kids. If you’re the mom of a newborn, you’ve experienced those same feelings. You wouldn’t part with those precious moments for anything, right?

So, while so other parents cannot wait for kids to go back to school, there are many of us who love having our kids around. At home, everywhere we go, all the time.

I include myself in that categorization. I wouldn’t trade a second of these priceless years with my kiddos for anything life has to offer. Actually, I wish those years hadn’t ended quite so soon.

But, what I’m here to tell you, is that all that “togetherness” doesn’t come without a price tag. Which we gladly pay, by the way — no hesitation, truly. But, when surrounded by kids all day, the house can feel pretty crowded.

I’m not saying we don’t get out. And this isn’t about uncooperative, misbehaving children. What it is, is about real life. And, in real life, unless you’re super human (or possibly on TV), there’s only so much time you can handle being with so many people all the time.

I’m the first to admit it. And, believe me, I love my kids to pieces. But, there are definitely some days I just can’t take all the questions, the constant talking, the never-ending noise, the movement, the bickering, the activity, the messes, and all the people up in my face all the time.

Does this make me a bad parent? Of course not. And though I understand our lifestyle is one of learning together and creating a life of teamwork, cooperation, yada, yada, really, there are days when we get on each other’s nerves.

Few people admit this, by the way. Some friends talked about it during a recent podcast, which I felt was fairly ground-breaking, since it’s usually a hush-hush kind of thing. Who doesn’t want the world to think they have it “all together”? Imagine how horrifying to be found out?

Who doesn’t want the world to think they have it all together? Imagine how horrifying to be found…

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So, today, I want to tell you about a little discovery I made some 20 years ago called “Me Time”, in which I give myself permission to grab a break from the overwhelming togetherness of my family. I highly recommend the concept to anyone currently doing a little too much. Which probably includes most of those reading.

‘Me time’ begins by coining a phrase you happen to like (time out, nap time, whatever), explaining the terms to your family. Beyond that, it’s simply the art of putting your miraculous little plan into action.

There are no rules specifically, except to consider whether the time out is just about you (as in, you take a break while everybody else carries on), or whether it’s a general family thing (where everyone retreats to wherever-you-tell-them while you all take a break from each other).

Personally, when I drop the two magic words, I expect everyone to scatter to their rooms, play outside, read a book, or just basically get away from me. And, barring anything serious (blood or fire), I expect them to stay away for a good long time (5-60 minutes, depending on the day I’m having).

But, by all means, get creative, using the concept however you’d like.

I don’t use a timer or a stopwatch, but you can.

I don’t tell my kids where to go (they’re much older) but you can.

Is it harder with babies and toddlers around? You betcha. However, at the very least, you should be able to put them somewhere safe for a few minutes while you go off and collect the pieces of yourself. When mine were younger, that would have been a crib, play pen, or a swinging or bouncing device. Or, occasionally, in a moving car (with me, of course) as the absolute last resort.

It’s worth noting that “me time” is not a selfish practice. Truthfully, every member of the family can benefit from time apart. Younger children benefit from playing alone and/or decompressing a little while, while teens may welcome a break from the rest of the family anyhow.

Truthfully, every member of the family can benefit from time apart now and then.

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For me, the benefit is returning back to the family a nicer person. A more patient mommy. And an wife who isn’t grumpy or irritable over never having time to herself.

Are you giving yourself permission for “me time” now and then? Let me know in the comments! I know my readers would enjoy knowing how this works for you.

To your success without overwhelm,

May 07 2015

Making it measurable

Everyone knows homeschooling is personal. It’s our business. With few restrictions, we get to choose what we do. And that’s the way we like it.

On the other hand, this is real life. Despite the freedom, the reality is that after graduation (usually slightly before) someone, somewhere is going to start asking questions. Certain people are going to want to know what we did all those years.

Don’t kid yourself, parent. No matter how fervently independent you may have been to this point, there will come a time — when nearing completion or right after graduation – when you’ll have to start sharing, disclosing and proving. Your student will be asked produce evidence of high school completion. Whether it’s for college admissions, scholarship committees, employers, or somewhere else — it’s going to happen at one time or another.

That’s where quantifying high school comes in. You need to make sure everything is measurable.

Let me be clear. I don’t want to dictate your homeschool style. And I never suggest withholding from a child what he or she really wants to study in whatever way he or she wants to study it.

What I’m saying is, there will be someone on the other end, hand held out, waiting for a transcript, a list of completed courses, a final credit count, a diploma, a test score, or some other measurement of your child’s high school years. And it’s your job to provide it.

In high school, remembering to record what your student does, how he did it, where he did it, the number of hours he did it, or how well he did it, becomes crucial. Only by carefully tracking experiences can you count them, measure them, label them, and put them on a transcript.

Only by carefully tracking experiences can you count them, measure them, label them, and put them…

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So important is the record-keeping process in high school, that it can make or break the student’s immediate plans after graduation. I’m not trying to scare you. Actually, I guess I am trying to scare you. Just try to imagine recreating the last 8 or 9 years of homeschool completely from memory — that’s the kind of horror you’ll face at the end of your child’s high school years if you haven’t bothered to track and measure. Which really, really stinks for your student, since you may underestimate something crucial — something that’ll cost her something important, like an acceptance letter, a scholarship, a job, or something else. Or, you might omit something entirely, something that really needed to be there, like a requirement for the next stage of your child’s life, making it impossible for him to proceed. Or, you might inadequately describe something, so that even though your child did it, those looking in from the outside aren’t able to tell.

When homeschooling high school, please, please write everything down. Establish some system, no matter what it is, of keeping track of what your teen is up to. If it’s well-organized, all the better. But even a box or bin where you drop random notes throughout the year is better than nothing. These notes will make the difference between a successful finish and a major disappointment for your kid.

…even a box or bin where you drop random notes throughout the year is better than nothing.

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Then, as you record things, make it a habit of measuring them, too:

Measure whether certain requirements have been fulfilled.

Measure whether it is enough of something or requires a little bit more of something.

Measure if the quality was high enough.

Measure if the experience will at least minimally satisfy the criteria of what the student needs for the next stage.

Measure whether someone looking in from the outside would consider what your student did to be worthy of whatever-it-is they have to offer.

One of the things I do is help parents measure high school. Usually, I work with those who haven’t kept detailed records, have no idea of the worth of certain experiences, or don’t really understand what their child has actually done. I help sort through facts, document experiences and put together evidence of completion. I help them measure.

I love doing what I do. But, you can do this yourself, too. Start early and remain consistent throughout the high school years. You’ll get it.

Want ideas for record keeping, measuring experiences and how to award credit? I’ll list some articles for you, below. Don’t forget to read them and follow the links inside, as well.

If you still need help, let me know.

Awarding credit three different ways

Record-keeping made simple

Comprehensive high school binder

Credits explained

Earning credit for life skills

Dr. Marie-Claire Moreau is a college professor who traded in her tenure to become a homeschool mom 20+ years ago. The founder of many homeschool groups and organizations, she works to advance home education, and is an outspoken supporter of education reform coast to coast. Her book, Suddenly Homeschooling: A Quick Start Guide to Legally Homeschool in Two Weeks, is industry-acclaimed as it illustrates how homeschooling can rescue children and families from the system, and how anyone can begin homeschooling within a limited time-frame, or with no educational background whatsoever. A liaison for regional school-to-home organizations and a homeschool leader in Florida, Marie-Claire also mentors homeschool families nationwide. A conference speaker, she has appeared at FPEA, H.E.R.I., Home Education Council of America, and many other events. She currently writes for audiences at Quick Start Homeschool, which she founded in 2010, and as a guest writer on other sites as often as she can. Her articles have appeared in CONNECT magazine, on Homefires, at Circle of Moms, and she has contributed to hundreds of other blogs nationwide. Dr. Moreau can be reached at contactmarieclaire@gmail.com.

Apr 14 2015

Joys of high schooling your kids

Recently, I wrote about real life high schooling (HERE). I spared no details when talking about how much work it takes and how many boo boos we parents sometimes make along the way.

I wrote that article so you’d know what high schooling really looks like from the inside. I wrote it because I hate it when homeschoolers are handed some phony tale of hearts and rainbows by some “expert” out to sell an e-book. Those experts only tell you one side of the story, my friends. I doubt the real truth ever comes out during the premium, platinum or gold membership, either.

I hate it when homeschoolers are handed some phony tale of hearts and rainbows by some “expert” out…

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I was willing to tell you the truth.

Just like I’m going to tell you the other part of the truth right now.

I’m going to tell you the part about how high schooling is really fun. I’m going to tell you how much I have loved doing it. And I’m going to make sure you understand what an overwhelming privilege it is to get to prepare your very own kids for life.

There are as many joys to high schooling, as there are joys to living life with your kids. When homeschooling, those things are so intertwined, it’s hard to separate them out. In fact, when I thought about this article, I realized I could write about this forever. So, I decided to simply choose some of my favorite joys to share with you instead.

This isn’t an exhaustive list. Because high schooling is pretty much the most amazing thing a family can do. But, for me, some of the many JOYS of high schooling kids include:

Getting to know your teens, inside and out. And by this I mean their hearts and minds, and everything else that goes along with that. As kids get older and smarter, conversations get easier, more fascinating, and infinitely more rewarding. You’re no longer nodding in agreement over everything they say when they’re little, or answering ten thousand questions an hour as they grow. No, conversations with teens are real, intelligent, heartfelt and revealing. There is raw emotion, true depth, and honesty over everything and nothing. Sometimes, it’s frustrating, too. I love all of that.

The surprise and excitement we get to feel, when we see our kids for who they are, and learn their true calling. I want to make sure not to trivialize this. Because this is huge. Cause no matter how many times our kids say they’d like to be this-or-that when they grow up or do this-or-that when they leave home, we parents know it isn’t real until a certain moment, when we discover it really is real. It’s different for every child, but that amazing moment our kids begin saying things, doing things, and showing us who they really are, and what life has planned for them. That is so powerful. We get to be so proud of them, and we get to feel as though everything is finally so perfectly aligned for that young person. It’s both beautiful and overwhelming to tears. I remember when it happened for each of my kids. In pretty much every case, it wasn’t what I thought. It wasn’t what the child seemed like he would do when he was younger. But, when each of my kids revealed himself, I realized how perfect it was, and they were. I wondered why I didn’t see him that way sooner.

Seeing yourself in them, but not too much. I’ve heard some parents find this threatening — the notion that teens don’t always agree or follow in parents’ footsteps or beliefs. I actually love that. It means they’re learning on their own, and they’ve learned and discovered different things from what I’ve been able to. It means they’re part of a newer generation than I, one in which certain progress has been made, certain discoveries have been found, certain stereotypes have been eliminated, and certain thought patterns have been reprogrammed. My husband and I appreciate when our kids honor our values and respect our beliefs. We try to stay on top of research, trends, and new ideologies. But, we don’t for a minute expect our kids to be like us in all ways, because that isn’t realistic. We’ve raised them well, so they’ll draw from our wisdom when they need it. But we know that we’ve had our time — and this time is for them.

…we don’t for a minute expect our kids to be like us in all ways, because that isn’t realistic

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Seeing your kids through the eyes of others. I love watching my kids in real life. I love seeing them speak to others, move around in the world, doing things on their own. I love hearing feedback from other people who have met them, spoken to them and worked with them. There is tremendous validation in watching your children do as you have taught them to do, knowing those lessons weren’t lost, and feeling as though you’ve had a part in making them successful/keeping them safe/advancing their future. Plus, it’s fun to see how they add their own personal flair to all those things, too.

Seeing their eyes turn back to us. I kills me, in a good way, every time one of my boys heads off, then looks back at me. For wisdom, support, or just to know I’m watching them as they head out. This is perhaps the highest level of joy at this stage — to release a child on his/her own, yet know we are still valued, needed, and very much wanted in their lives. My heart breaks open every time one of my kids does this, as I feel so proud they’re independent, yet so grateful I am still an important part of their lives.

I feel so proud they’re independent, yet so grateful I am still an important part of their lives.

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There is more. I could write on and on.

Just know that high schooling is so much more than shuffling papers and completing forms. It’s more than choosing curriculum and correcting papers. It’s more than setting alarm clocks and driving teens everywhere they need to go.

High schooling is about real stuff. Stuff that matters. Stuff that no matter how hard high schooling may seem sometimes, or how many mistakes you think you may have made, it’s the only stuff that really counts once it’s all over.

Truth: Part II.

Dr. Marie-Claire Moreau is a college professor who traded in her tenure to become a homeschool mom 20+ years ago. The founder of many homeschool groups and organizations, she works to advance home education, and is an outspoken supporter of education reform coast to coast. Her book, Suddenly Homeschooling: A Quick Start Guide to Legally Homeschool in Two Weeks, is industry-acclaimed as it illustrates how homeschooling can rescue children and families from the system, and how anyone can begin homeschooling within a limited time-frame, or with no educational background whatsoever. A liaison for regional school-to-home organizations and a homeschool leader in Florida, Marie-Claire also mentors homeschool families nationwide. A conference speaker, she has appeared at FPEA, H.E.R.I., HECOA, FLHES, and many other events. She currently writes for audiences at Quick Start Homeschool, and as a guest on other sites as often as she can. Her articles have appeared in CONNECT, on Homefires, at Circle of Moms and she has contributed to hundreds of other blogs nationwide. Dr. Moreau can be reached at contactmarieclaire@gmail.com.