Dr. Marie-Claire Moreau

Educator, Coach, Life Strategist

Positive Things Cause Stress, Too

I remember like it was yesterday. Expensive coffee in one hand, deals and coupons in the other, I looked forward to Christmas shopping all year. Black Friday always kicked off the holiday season for me. It was the one day all year that was virtually guaranteed to put me in a good mood for weeks to come, so I’d never miss it, no matter the ridiculous amount of planning it sometimes took to get the morning off.

If I was so happy, then why did I feel so run down? And how was I suddenly blind-sided with panic without a clue there was anything wrong? I can almost recreate the dizziness, the heart palpitations and feeling drenched in my own sweat. I remember thinking I might actually tip over, and how embarrassing that would be in the middle of J.C. Penney. Finding a place to sit down in the bedding department, I called my husband, who talked me through it until I caught my breath. The attack caught me utterly by surprise, as I hear from so many other women who report experiencing exactly the same thing.

Miserable as that was, I gained some big understanding that day. I had a real awakening about stress, dominating the lies I’d heard for years from doctors and drug companies. I realized that positive life experiences can be stressful, too. It doesn’t just take negative stuff to earn a stress response.

It doesn’t just take negative stuff to earn a stress response.

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This is a really big idea actually.

It’s not what you believed about stress just a few minutes ago, is it?

See, I  assumed relaxation and fun were antidotes for my stress, like some automatic way to cancel my symptoms. But what’s really true is that all kinds of experiences can be stressful, even positive ones. My body had just been on high alert so long, anything could have set me off — so it did.

Do you think you might be near a breaking point, too?

Have you considered where your stress is actually coming from?

Most of us think stress is a response to unpleasantness in our lives. But, if you think back to the last time you planned a party/welcomed a new baby/began an exciting new job, I think you’ll see what I mean.

Since that time, I’ve made life changes.  Major ones. If you experience stress, you can make life changes, too.

Even a happy life can make us stressed out. Remember it’s the stacking of many things that make us overloaded.

To your health and healing,

As a coach, writer, recovered over-doer and busyness addict, I understand the challenges of creating a balanced, healthy lifestyle while the mind tries to sabotage your success. In my journey to vibrant health, I created a personalized health system of nutrition and supplementation, lifestyle changes, and I retrained my mind and the energy of my body. I view my success as the formula to my happy, healthy life. I now empower other women to create their own personalized formulas, including the tools and strategies just right for them! Amazing life shifts come from our relationships. I look forward to helping you, too!

What if I forget something really important?

{This post is one in a series called, “Top 10 Fears”, in which I speak to the most common fears parents express about homeschooling the high school years.  To see all the topics, or start at the beginning, click HERE.}

Fear #9

The fear of forgetting something really important

The biggest problem with homeschooling a teenager is never getting a second chance. What that means is, grades K-8 notwithstanding, you’d better not mess things up in high school. If you do, your child will have a perfectly miserable life. Oh, and, because everything’s your fault, you’ll be miserable forever, too.

Just kidding.

If high schooling were so high risk, why would so many of us be doing it? Did you realize there are as many homeschoolers in high school as in the lower grades?  Contrary to what many people think, you don’t have to put your kids back in school when they reach high school age.

So, the proof is in. People do it. And it works.

Better yet, homeschooling high school works despite the mistakes we make. And we do make mistakes. We’re mere mortals taking on a gargantuan task, right?

The good news is that high schooling errors aren’t the end of the world. Not by a mile. I know there’s a bit of a learning curve, and you’re doing the best you can to prepare, but, there’s no way to predict every possible thing that can happen. It’s safe to assume you’ll probably goof up every now and again.

But, you can recover from making mistakes in high school, and your student will continue making strides anyway. Success in high school isn’t dependent on doing things perfectly. It’s dependent on your caring and doing the best job you can. And you’re already doing that or you wouldn’t be here, amiright?

Recovering from High Schooling Mistakes

Though it’s impossible to list all the dreadful scenarios and major foibles you might make when high schooling your kid, let’s take some common situations so I can show you things aren’t hopeless. Meet me again at the end of this article, so I can share some final thoughts and we can recap this whole thing together.

Common homeschool high school mistakes and how to fix them:

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What if…you forget to schedule/teach a class, or your student fails one miserably?

Recovery strategies might include: Having the student take/retake the entire class or a similar one (time permitting); have the student take an intense or abbreviated version of the class; the student may choose to learn the material independently, then “test” for course credit; you could extend the graduation date, allowing time to take the class; you could also research the importance of the class after all, judging whether it was really that important; or, you could just move on without it.

What if…you lose important paperwork, or forget to write down things your student did several years ago?

Recovery strategies might include: Trying to obtain copies of important paperwork if they exist somewhere else (your district, a homeschool group, copies loaned to friends, etc.); recreating documents from memory, with help from your student or others; looking for similar materials and seeing if they resemble what you might have done in the past; explaining in an honest written statement what happened, highlighting those parts of the experience you do recall, plus samples of any evidence you’re able to find; or, omitting the course/experience on the transcript altogether, substituting something else worthwhile in its place.

What if…you miss a deadline, and now it’s too late for your student to do something he/she wanted to do?

Recovery strategies might include: Petitioning for a deadline extension, or applying at the next and earliest available time; applying for something similar but different, and making the best of the change; looking for a similar opportunity out of town or possibly online; designing/creating a similar opportunity on your own; using it as a learning opportunity to highlight the importance of planning and responsibility; or, emphasizing the need (for you and your student) to stay on track for the future.

What if…you’ve been busy preparing your student for a job/other opportunity after graduation, then you find out your student wants to go to college after all?

Recovery strategies might include: Using the remaining time in high school (if any) to prepare; extending the graduation date, if possible, for college prep activities; using independent learning to hone skills in crucial areas that matter; taking college prep study courses and webinars, or purchasing study guides and focusing extensively on those; taking a gap year (or more) until college preparedness is complete; or, knowing there’s a college for most everyone, finding a college match based on what the student has completed, not what he has not.

As you can see, there are many ways to circumvent so-called high schooling errors or make the best of changing situations. With the help and guidance of friends who’ve been there, of reading articles like these, or maybe even bending the ear of a high school counselor like me, I promise homeschooling high school can still be successful.

There are lots of ways to get around the errors we sometimes create on behalf of our students. In my mind, the best way to handle things is to assume they’ll happen because we’re human, and figure out how to make lemonade and keeping going.

Messing up is just life. When you think about it, you’ll probably be better people for figuring out how to recover from these errors anyway. Bouncing back from the unexpected is just one more way to learn. You can bet your student will notice.

To your success,

Dr. Marie-Claire Moreau is a college professor who traded in her tenure to become a homeschool mom 20+ years ago.  A homeschooling pioneer and the founder of many groups and organizations, she works to advance home education, and is an outspoken supporter of education reform coast to coast.  Her book, Suddenly Homeschooling: A Quick Start Guide to Legally Homeschool in Two Weeks, is industry-acclaimed as it illustrates how homeschooling can rescue children and families from the public school system, and how anyone can begin homeschooling within a limited time-frame, with no teaching background whatsoever.  A writer, a homeschool leader, and a women’s life coach, Marie-Claire mentors in a variety of areas that impact health, education and lifestyle. A conference speaker, she has appeared at FPEA, H.E.R.I., Home Education Council of America, The Luminous Mind, Vintage Homeschool Moms, iHomeschool Network, and many other events. Her articles have appeared in and on Holistic Parenting, CONNECT,Homefires, Homemaking Cottage, Kiwi, Circle of Moms, and hundreds of sites and blogs nationwide.  Marie-Claire can be reached at contactmarieclaire@gmail.com.

Things We Can’t Control

There is no worse feeling in the human experience than being out of control. Helpless and desperate, exhausted from trying, it’s a sense that events are swirling crazily around us, but we’re powerless to do anything about them.

I liken the feeling to being locked in a glass box on an old game show. Perhaps you can recall the scenes from long ago, those of frantic contestants trying to grab dollar bills in the air?

Feeling out of control is like reaching a hand into the abyss, trying to grab a bit of the chaos and tame it. It’s an urgent need to restore comfort, by controlling at least a little bit of something, but not being able to do even that. During those times when there’s nothing we can do, a terror often strikes from the futility of wanting to control what we ourselves cannot.

What to do when you’re feeling out of control #women #unbusy #release

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Surrender

It’s at these times that we must surrender. Anything else is either counter-productive or insanity.

Surrender doesn’t mean giving up. It just means recognizing that things are going to happen how they’re going to happen anyway. No behavior from us will amount to anything. And no amount of worry will ever change the outcome.

Surrender doesn’t have mean gloom and doom, either. We can remind ourselves that things always work out as they should. Recognizing that life is here to support us, not the other way around, is enormously comforting. Though we may not like it, surrendering is the only way to stop fighting against the tide.

They’re Just Thoughts

When feeling out of control, it can help to recognize that feelings are just thoughts. Looking at them as thoughts, we can begin to dissect those feelings, look at their underlying parts, and change some of them.  One of my most beloved mentors refers to this as rewriting the book of our lives. The clearest explanation I’ve heard so far, I find it one of the easiest to implement, too.

Thinking different thoughts provides a different way of looking at things. Repeating the newer, more sane understanding of a situation — rewriting the book if you will – interrupts the out-of control-pattern, and enables us to change it into something else.

Release the Need

When entirely unable to control a situation, there’s still one thing we can actually do. Releasing the need to control, or to even get involved, is in fact entirely within our control. Asking ourselves if we can — at the very least – release the need to have control can have a major impact on how we feel.

Questions to ask include, “Can I let go of my need to be in control?” and “Am I willing to allow myself to see that things won’t be like this forever?” Answering these in the affirmative can be life changing.

Build Curiosity

Surrendering and changing thinking aren’t just comforting, but can even turn situations into a game. Knowing that life is happening before our very eyes, we can build a sense of curiosity about what happens next, then sit back to watch events unfold. I realize, for many, this is a stretch. Still, reaching this level of acceptance may be something to strive for.

Feeling out of control? Do this now.

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As a coach, writer, recovered over-doer and busyness addict, I understand the challenges of creating a balanced, healthy lifestyle while the mind tries to sabotage your success. In my journey to vibrant health, I created a personalized health system of nutrition and supplementation, lifestyle changes, and I retrained my mind and the energy of my body. I view my success as the formula to my happy, healthy life. I now empower other women to create their own personalized formulas, including the tools and strategies just right for them! Amazing life shifts come from our relationships. I look forward to helping you, too!

The art of slowing down

 

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There once was a woman raising a houseful of delightfully inquisitive children. The woman chose home education for the children, and it soon became her full-time job. Despite her new job, she continued performing the other jobs she had prior to starting her own school. And, because no one ever told the woman she couldn’t do it all, she never said no, never asked for help, and just kept adding more things to her calendar. To be productive, the woman was always in motion, and she was continually juggling many things. Her days were spent rushing from one task to another, morning until night, with never a break in between. Because her life was successful, it never dawned on the woman to lighten her load, not even one bit. Until one day, when things started going wrong. The woman’s health showed signs of stress (though she had no time to notice). More serious symptoms developed (but there was no time to figure them out). Until finally, the woman broke. Her body had grown very sick from being ignored for so long. It screamed so painfully, she had no choice but to finally listen. So, she did.

When I tell the longer version of my story, there’s a part where people in the audience begin nodding their heads. That’s because busyness and rushing through life rings true for many people. Brave women will come up afterwards, finally realizing what they’ve been doing to themselves. Every one of them wishing they’d known this sooner, rather than spending years of pain, frustration, doctor hopping, and thinking they were a tad crazy.

The good news, I tell my audiences, is this madness can be stopped. As in 100%. That’s the message I’m sharing with you, now. You don’t have to live like that. No one does.

Want to un-create a life of stress & busyness? Simple instructions found here:

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This lifestyle I’m referring to — this crazy one of busyness and rushing – is one created by ourselves. Meaning, if we can create it, we can un-create it. No one needs to suffer as I did, and as 50 million other Americans suffering with autoimmune dis-eases do. With a simple mind shift, we can change our jam-packed lives, and no longer be sick from putting so much pressure on ourselves.

The Secret

What’s the secret to creating this new life? In reality, there are many secrets, each depending on the circumstances and symptoms of the sufferer. But, there is one universal secret I can share freely, since it’s a prescription that helps everyone who tries it:

~ Slow down ~

Sounds simple, right? And yet, if you’re used to operating at the heightened levels I’ve described, slowing down can be the hardest thing in the world. We’re resistant to change, plus our belief systems like to be right. Slowing down assaults the ego, speaking poorly about our ability to cope and handle it all.

Not an easy change to make.

But, How Exactly?

Slowing down means different things to different people.  In general, it’s about lightening your load, taking on less, and especially making space in your life to be still. It takes guts to cancel long-held commitments and start saying no more often. If you’re like others who do this to themselves, it takes even more guts to sit still for more than a few minutes without guilting yourself into thinking you should be doing something else.

But, slowing down also means physically slowing down, something some people have never known. It could look like a leisurely walk in the park or a yoga class in the evenings. It could mean observing with consciousness every move you make, and deliberately slowing it down, which is what worked for me.

Whatever slowing down means to you, it’s important to find it and start doing it right away. You’ll be surprised how the simple act of slowing down can make such a difference. In health, emotions, relationships, and in all other aspects of life. And if  you’re worried about losing your edge or sacrificing excellence, I can help you with that, too. Let’s talk.

Be warned though. Slowing down may take years of practice before letting go of old patterns. Remember, we’re programmed from an early age to do it all, and our powerful belief systems will fight us all the way. But, I have seen the miracles of slowing down in myself and so many women around me. Isn’t it worth exploring in your life, too?

Let go of old patterns and create a simple life of balance. Find out how.

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For your inspiration, I’m including 2 powerful TED talks that target this issue in very some personal and profound ways. The first is a talk by Carl Honore, the author of “In Praise of Slowness: Challenging the Cult of Speed” (see the book here). The second is a talk by Katrina Alcorn, the author of “Maxxed Out: American Moms on the Brink” (see the book here).

Let me know how you’re doing in a COMMENT today. This is an important conversation, and I’d love to share it with you here.

To your health and healing,

As a coach, writer, recovered over-doer and busyness addict, I understand the challenges of creating a balanced, healthy lifestyle while the mind tries to sabotage your success. In my journey to vibrant health, I created a personalized health system of nutrition and supplementation, lifestyle changes, and I retrained my mind and the energy of my body. I view my success as the formula to my happy, healthy life. I now empower other women to create their own personalized formulas, including the tools and strategies just right for them! Amazing life shifts come from our relationships. I look forward to helping you, too!

Is homeschooling high school any different?

Parents often ask if homeschooling high school is different from homeschooling the earlier grades. They may ask the question directly, or express it through questions like these:

How do you teach everything if you don’t really remember it all?

Don’t you have to know all the subjects really well?

Aren’t you worried your child might not be prepared for college?

Don’t you have to be really smart?

Don’t most kids go back to school for high school?

What do you do if you can’t help with the really hard classes?

Do you worry about screwing everything up?

I’ve listed some articles at the bottom that contain in depth answers to every one of those questions. Today, I want to generally discuss the differences between homeschooling high school years versus homeschooling elementary and middle. (By the way, some refer to high school as “secondary” or “upper” school, in case this comes up in your research one day.)

Please know if you’re concerned about high school, you are not alone. Many parents feel anxious nearing the high school years. Many more parents express concern over “doing it right”. That’s why homeschool advisors like me spend so much time writing about the teen years. We remember feeling this way ourselves, and we want to help others do it successfully (and without worry) themselves.

So, is teaching high school any different?

Yes and no.

In many ways, homeschooling teens is a lot like what you’ve been doing all along. It’s basically the same amount of work, the same commitment and level of responsibility, and you follow the same legal requirements (if any) you did all the previous years. It’s similar in that you care just as much about your child as you did before, and you’re just as invested in your child’s success as you’ve always been.

In in terms of your personal involvement, homeschooling high school is still the full time job it was in the earlier grades.

Homeschooling high school is still the full time job it always was. What changes is the role you…

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What changes during high school is the roles you play. Your role changes into that of an administrator, and your student does by himself many of the things you used to do together.

Some of the differences are gradual, phasing in as your student matures, sometimes taking years before your student reaches a certain level of responsibility and independence.

Other changes start smack dab at the beginning of high school because they’re related to the procedures, classes or other expectations that begin on the first day of doing 9th grade work.

It depends on the people, of course, but at some point, parents begin to realize it isn’t elementary any more. They notice high school takes on a a different feel from middle school, too. In my observations, parents can assign a different level of importance to homeschooling the high school years. Perhaps because it’s the end of the journey, high schooling parents seem to view their efforts as being even more serious than in the past, if that’s possible.

If you’ve been down the high school road before, you might see yourself in this next section. You may find yourself nodding in agreement, as I think most parents of homeschooled teens share similar stories.

After high schooling all of my kids and meeting with hundreds of families of teens over the years, these are the things I have noticed we all have in common. I’ve created a list of some of the things you might find yourself feeling and doing when beginning to homeschool your teen.

A list of things you find yourself feeling and doing when homeschooling your teen.

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When homeschooling teens…

  • You no longer feel like a teacher, but the coordinator of the whole process.
  • You starting thinking more about goals instead of schooling day to day, week by week, and year to year.
  • You seldom teach subjects any more. Your student learns more on his own.
  • There is less 1:1 interaction than when your student was little. You both spend more time apart.
  • You’re not always present during lessons. Frequently, lessons happen entirely without you.
  • You do more “checking in” with your student than directly supervising as before.
  • You naturally begin encouraging your student to take on greater responsibility.
  • You praise her independence, still keeping a close watch from wherever you are.
  • You develop trust when your student completes assignments thoroughly and on schedule.
  • Your faith in the process increases as your student begins to succeed on his own.
  • You feel greater responsibility, because high school is a critical stage of your child’s life.
  • You may feel a lack of control, not always knowing exactly what your child is learning and doing.
  • You can’t always preview everything your child is doing any more. Prereading books and assignments is a thing of the past.
  • Your student’s knowledge might begin to surpass your own, and you’re happy about that.
  • You begin outsourcing some of the learning, instead of always purchasing products to be completed at home.
  • You encourage your student to take more responsibility over her education and her future.
  • You allow your student more participation and decision-making power over what to learn and do.
  • Sometimes you feel more like a chauffeur, financier, or social director than a Principal or coordinator.
  • Record-keeping and organization become more important than ever before.
  • The decisions you make feel more important, and seem to have much more weight than ever before.
  • Your record-keeping duties greatly increase in volume and complexity.
  • You’re excited for your student, yet you question yourself more than ever before.

Depending on where you started, these changes could seem dramatic or not a big deal at all. But, if you are feeling as though the duties of a high school coordinator and book-keeper seem daunting, remember they’re offset by all the other things you no longer have to do. So, since you’re no longer helping your child finish math problems, you can be working on a high school transcript instead. And, since you no longer have to correct homework assignment and assessments, you can be figuring out high school credits and GPA scores instead.

I love talking to parents who ask if homeschooling high school is different, or more difficult. It means they’re dead serious about doing a great job, and therefore probably going to be very successful doing it.

Related reading:

How do you teach everything if you don’t really remember it all?

Don’t you have to know all the subjects really well?

Aren’t you worried your child might not be prepared for college?

Don’t you have to be really smart?

What do you do if you can’t help with the really hard classes?

Do you worry about screwing everything up?

To your success,

Dr. Marie-Claire Moreau is a college professor who traded in her tenure to become a homeschool mom 20+ years ago.  A homeschooling pioneer and the founder of many groups and organizations, she works to advance home education, and is an outspoken supporter of education reform coast to coast.  Her book, Suddenly Homeschooling: A Quick Start Guide to Legally Homeschool in Two Weeks, is industry-acclaimed as it illustrates how homeschooling can rescue children and families from the public school system, and how anyone can begin homeschooling within a limited time-frame, with no teaching background whatsoever.  A writer, a homeschool leader, and a women’s life coach, Marie-Claire mentors in a variety of areas that impact health, education and lifestyle. A conference speaker, she has appeared at FPEA, H.E.R.I., Home Education Council of America, The Luminous Mind, Vintage Homeschool Moms, iHomeschool Network, and many other events. Her articles have appeared in and on Holistic Parenting, CONNECT,Homefires, Homemaking Cottage, Kiwi, Circle of Moms, and hundreds of sites and blogs nationwide.  Marie-Claire can be reached at contactmarieclaire@gmail.com.